Quotes from Chuck Palahniuk

The crap and the trash of the world. Post-consumer human butt wipe that no one would ever go to the trouble to recycle.

When she's in love, nothing can make her sad; however, when she's not in love, nothing can make her happy.

Every direction I could see to go was just a different nightmare.

You can't fool people into loving you.

It's airline policy not to imply ownership in the event of a dildo. Use the indefinite article. A dildo. Never your dildo. Never say the dildo accidentally turned itself on.

Plato said: 'He who approaches the temple of the Muses without inspiration in the belief that craftsmanship alone suffices will remain a bungler and his presumptuous poetry will be obscured by the songs of the maniacs.'

You do know to put the condom on as soon as the penis is erect, don't you? -I paid a fortune for bananas out of season in case you need the practice. This is a trap. If I say, Oh yeah, I roll rubbers onto new dry erections all the time, I'll get the slut lecture from my father. But if I tell them, No, we'll get to spend Christmas Day practicing to protect me from fruit.

La forma que tiene la gente de reclamar para sí a un ser querido es ponerle un nombre que solo hacen servir ellas. Ponerle una etiqueta para apropiárselo.

There, drunk in a bar where no one was watching and no one would care, I asked Tyler what he wanted me to do. Tyler said, I want you to hit me as hard as you can.

Lecturing the assembled publicists and stylists, my mom says that if any aboriginal peoples or primitive tribe still does not celebrate her acting, that's only because those subjugated native cultures find themselves oppressed by an evil, fundamentalist form of religion. Their budding appreciation of her films is obviously being quashed by some devilish imam or patriarchal ayatollah or witch doctor.

Lo que posees acabará poseyéndote.

Amphetamines are the most American drug. You get so much done. You look terrific, and your middle name is Accomplishment...Your thyroid shuts down your natural production of thyroxine. But you still look terrific. And you are, you're the American Dream. You are the constant-growth economy.

If you're male and you're Christian and living in America, your father is your model for God. And if you never know your father, if your father bails out or dies or is never at home, what do you believe about God?

A condom is the glass slipper of our generation.

The thing about Valiums . . . is they don't kill the pain but at least you're not pissed off about being hurt.

These men and women sitting behind unlocked doors know a bigger house is not the answer. Neither is a better spouse, more money, tighter skin. Anything you can acquire, she says, is only another thing you'll lose. The answer is there is no answer.

Masticando il suo tabacco, il Mezzano ha sputato sulla moquette macchiata e ha detto che questo edificio umido, queste stanze semibuie, non avevano nulla a che vedere con il ritiro per scrittori che si era immaginato: gente che scrive a mano, con lo sguardo che si perde lungo prati verdi on-dulati; scrittori che mangiano pranzi al sacco, ciascuno nel suo chalet privato. Frutteti di albicocchi e nuvole di petali bianchi sollevati dal vento. Sonnellini pomeridiani all'ombra di castagni. Croquet.

No sois un hermoso copo de nieve individual. Estáis hehcos de la misma materia orgánica corrompible que todos los demás, y todos formamos parte del mismo montón de abono

I am profoundly vanilla.

Even what's inside you already, the colonies of microbes and bugs that eat your food for you, without them you'd die. Nothing of you is all-the-way yours. All of you is inherited.

Here was reading as a covert act of revolution carried out in plain sight but recognized as such only by other men with the book.

Cuando la gente cree que te estás muriendo es cuando en verdad te escuchan, en lugar de estar esperando su turno para hablar

OK, you are now firing a gun at your imaginary friend. Near 400 gallons of nitroglycerin!

The handwriting of blood pressure.