Quotes from Ellen DeGeneres

Despite all the labels, in most ways I'm really not different from anyone else. I guess if you had to label me, you could say I'm like the girl next door. I'm like the girl a few doors down.

Why must women wake up and paint their faces? Who came up with this idea? What's wrong with washing and moisturizing? So, if you care to wear make-up, go right ahead. No one's stopping you. I only suggest reconsidering. Is it totally necessary?

Here's a professional tip: If you have to say you're kidding, it might not be a great joke.

There's lotion for your face, lotion for your hands, lotion for your feet, lotion for your body. Why? What would happen if you put hand lotion on your feet? Would your feet get confused and start clapping?

Reading Ellen's hilarious new book. Thirsty for tequila.

We need more kindness, more compassion, more joy, more laughter.

So to conclude my conclusion, follow your passion, stay true to yourself. Never follow anyone else's path, unless you're in the woods and you're lost and you see a path and by all means you should follow that. Don't give advice, it will come back and bite you in the ass. Don't take anyone's advice. So my advice to you is to be true to yourself and everything will be fine.

At a four-way stop sign, the person with the prettiest eyes has the right of way

I love Jesus but I drink alittle- Gladis Hardy from the Ellen Show

Slow down your mind. Slower. Think about how slow you have to drive when there's someone on a bicycle in front of you in the middle of your lane. Are you annoyed? Don't be.

We should celebrate every year that we made it through and every year that we're happier and healthier.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, there are a lot of self righteous people out there. And if you try to adjust your life to please them - by the way you dress, your sexuality, or the ass faces you like to make - you are just going to go crazy and risk being as unhappy as these self righteous kooks are. So enjoy your life. God gave us our bodies as a gift.(Granted, to some of us it's kind of a gag gift, but that's okay too.) Wear what you want, love who you want, and have fun.

Then you panic because you've never known the difference between a sweet potato and a yam and both are on the counter, and if you start making a yam pie you'll never hear the end of it.

If there is any message I want you to take from this book, it is that befriending a parrot can be both frustrating and infinitely rewarding.

First you have your baby, which in and of itself is a stunning feat. I won't go into specifics, but ouch and no thank you.

On the topic of babies: "I know which end you feed.

Let the naysayers nay. They will eventually grow tired of naying.

I went to the doctor to get a sonogram. I'm not pregnant, I just like to take a look once in a while; see what's going on in there.

If someone says you're weird, say thank you.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.' I've revised this saying to make it more accurate: 'What doesn't kill you puts you in a whole lot of pain and makes you cry a lot and want to crawl in a hole forever and live with rodents.

It's not your fault, you've always had sensitive skin and there's nothing wrong with being sensitive.

Things will get easier, people's minds will change and you should be alive to see it

Wear what you want, love who you want, and have fun.

Sometimes my lack of memory (or, to put a positive spin on it, my surplus of forgetfulness) worries me, especially since it's not limited to my early childhood.