Quotes from Jim Norton

I'm not really great at writing things down unless for a roast or a particular event.

I don't think any comedy is ever shocking. I don't buy that. That's just what people brand it, when someone is saying something they don't like.

You can't apologize for who you are on a stage, you can reveal who you are but don't apologize because that's begging the audience to turn on you.

I'm afraid if I start to enjoy life, the rug will be yanked out from beneath me.

I get bored really fast.

I am a really bad boyfriend.

You can't worry about saying something that will get you in trouble because the line changes so fast. If you try to navigate it, you will not only suck but eventually say something stupid and get yourself dumb anyway.

I love everything about Boston. The women are phenomenal, they're all dirty. It's just a really great place to do comedy.

I don't really like Phil Robertson and I think his opinion about gay marriage is stupid. But in a country where we want an honest conversation, we have to realize that part of the honest conversation is hearing things we don't like and discussing them.

I love Philly so much. I know that at any time, any place, a fight can break out. Those are great comedy fans.

The more disgruntled the white people are, the happier they are to see me, that has to be it. I do really well in Boston, I do really well in Cleveland, I do really well in Philly, Jersey, certain parts of Florida. Places where there are really really aggressive white people tend to love me.

I'm very careful with my money.

A lot of racism is paternalism. A lot of people hide their own racism because they treat blacks, minorities and other groups like children because deep down they feel superior and better than these people. And they don't feel like they should just treat a guy like a guy.

It's surreal to be hanging out on Ozzy's patio with him talking politics. It's so funny when people doubt that he's with it because he's a really sharp, smart guy.

Two men spit in their hands, help each other out, then laugh about it later. Just to be silly.

People don't mind positive stereotypes. People don't mind positive assumptions. It's only negative assumptions about them. So their outrage is so arbitrary.

While There may be power in forgiveness, there is even more power in lobbing a Molotov cocktail through someone's dining room window.

I hope you have a miscarriage on a Walmart floor and have the baby's room already decorated.

The funniest people I know always seem to be the ones surrounded by darkness. And that's probably why they're the funniest. The deeper the pit, the more humor you need to dig yourself out of it.

I wish I had AIDS so I could bite somebody.

Get a in clothes dryer with Magic Johnson and some razorblades.

I'd rather hug Magic Johnson after he rolled around in barbed wire.

For the record, I hate skiing... and if you get killed doing it, GOOD.

The deeper the pit, the more humor you need to dig yourself out of it.