Quotes from Jasper Fforde

Okay, this is the wisdom. First, time spent on reconnaissanse is never wasted. Second, almost anything can be improved with the addition of bacon. And finally, there is no problem on Earth that can't be ameliorated by a hot bath and a cup of tea.

Sorry," [Hamlet] said, rubbing his temples. "I don't know what came over me. All of a sudden I had this overwhelming desire to talk for a very long time without actually doing anything.

Her majesty is one verb short of a sentence.

The cucumber and the tomato are both fruit; the avocado is a nut. To assist with the dietary requirements of vegetarians, on the first Tuesday of the month a chicken is officially a vegetable.

Dead. Never been that before. Not even once.

I would so hate to be a first-person character! Always on your guard, always having people read your thoughts!

Growth purely for its own sake is the philosophy of cancer.

She wasn't the only one to be physically morphed by reader expectation. Miss Havisham was now elderly whether she liked it or not, and Sherlock Holmes wore a deerstalker and smoked a ridiculously large pipe. The problem wasn't just confined to the classics. Harry Potter was seriously pissed off that he'd have to spend the rest of life looking like Daniel Radcliffe.

The safest course was actually the simplest-do nothing at all and hope everything turned out for the best. It wasn't a great plan, but it had the benefits of simplicity and a long tradition.

Mr. McGregor's a nasty piece of work, isn't he? Quite the Darth Vader of children's literature.

I'll tell you what love is" I said, "It is blind devotion, unquestioning self humiliation, utter submission, trust and belief against yourself and against the whole world, giving up your heart and soul to the smiter.

You'll like it here; everyone is quite mad.

the best lies to tell are the ones people want to believe

Death doesn't care about personalities - he's more interested in meeting quotas.

For every expert there is an equal and opposite expert.

Literary detection and firearms don't really go hand in hand; pen mighter than the sword and so forth.

Reality TV was to me the worst form of entertainment--the modern equivalent of paying sixpence to watch lunatics howling at the wall down at the local madhouse.

Class clowns become actors.

Who do readers expect to see when they pick up this book? Who has won the Most Troubled Romantic Lead at the BookWorld Awards seventy-seven times in a row? Me. All me.

There is a certain degree of 'steampunkishness' that creeps into my books.

Words are like leaves,. . .like people really, fond of their own society.

Cats aren't really friendly, they're just cozying up to the dominant life-form as a hedge against extinction.

The safest course was actually the simplest-do nothing at all and hope everything turned out for the best. It wasn't a great plan, but it had the benefits of simplicity and a long tradition.

My mind wanders terribly. I'm not wholly annoyed by my daydreaming as it has been immense use to me as regards imaginative thought, but it doesn't help when it comes to concentration. And writing needs concentration - lots of it.