Quotes from Jasper Fforde

My temper began to rise -- always a bad sign. I would probably end up doing something stupid.

Words are like leaves,. . .like people really, fond of their own society.

He also thought that 'abbreviation' was too long for its meaning, that 'monosyllabic' should have one syllable, 'dyslexic' should be renamed 'O' and 'unspeakable' should be respelt 'unsfzpxkable.

DCI Horner's advice to Jack Spratt: Remember, m'boy, his old boss had said, eyes twinkling, that if anyone tries to get the better of you, stand up straight and say to yourself in an imperious air, 'I am the new Mrs. de Winter now!' You'll find it works wonders.

Quarkbeasts, for all their fearsome looks, are obedient to a fault. They are nine-tenths velociraptor and kitchen blender and one-tenth Labrador. It was the Labrador tenth that I valued most.

All the great unanswered questions of the world will be answered. Who are we? What are we here for? Where will we end up? And most important of all: Can mankind actually get any stupider?

To fail spectacularly is a loser's paradise.

2.5.03.02.005: Generally speaking, if you fiddle with something, it will break. Don't.

A missing arm might ruin your symmetry. Personal asymmetry where I come from is a big taboo and brings great shame on the family and sometimes even the whole village. Do you then have to kill yourself over it or something? Goodness me, no! The family and village just have to learn to be ashamed--and nuts to them for being so oversensitive.

Marriage is an honorable estate and should not be used simply as an excuse for legal intercourse.

Money is a form of alchemy, [...] it turns kind, normal people into greed-mongers, intent only on acquisitiveness.

There are two schools of thought about the resilience of time. The first is that time is highly volatile, with every small event altering the possible outcome of the earth's future. The other view is that time is rigid, and no matter how hard you try, it will always spring back toward a determined present. Myself, I do not worry about such trivialities. I simply sell ties to anyone who wants to buy one...

Literature is claimed to be a mirror of the world," I said, "but the Outlanders are fooling themselves. The BookWorld is as orderly as people in the RealWorld *hope* their own world to be—it isn't a mirror, it's an aspiration.

from the television show,Evade the Question Time] At the end of the first round, I will award three points to Mr. Kaine for an excellent nonspecific condemnation, plus one bonus point for blaming the previous government and another for successfully mutating the question to promote the party line. Mr. van de Poste gets a point for a firm rebuttal, but only two points for his condemnation, as he tried to inject an impartial and intelligent observation.

The universe always moves from an ordered state to a disordered one; that a glass may fall to the ground and shatter yet you never see a broken glass reassemble itself and then jump back on the table.

I can hardly contain my indifference.

For a taste that's a bit more distinct, eat a bird before it's extinct.

Because there's someone else here in East Carmin. Someone hopelessly unsuitable. It's all a really bad idea and will lead to trouble of the worst sort. But no matter what, every minute in her presence makes my life a minute more complete.

Humans are the most gloriously bizarre creatures.

As it says on the Tshirts:'I don't scare easily - I'm a librarian.', which was the polite version of the original:'Don't give me any of your shit - I'm a librarian.

You have many fine qualities that I admire. But you are out of time. You should have been born a century ago, when values such as yours meant something.

I also read about Heathcliff's unexpected three-year career in Hollywood under the name Buck Stallion and his eventual return to the pages of Wuthering Heights.

There is no problem on earth that can't be ameliorated by a hot bath and a cup of tea.

Bowden Cable is the sort of honest and dependable operative that is the backbone of SpecOps. They never win commendations or medals and the public has no knowledge of them at all. They are all worth ten of people like me.