Quotes from Jasper Fforde

I am by turns a petulant adolescent and a mature man, a melancholy loner and a wit telling actors their trade. I cannot decide whether I'm a philosopher or a moping teenager, a poet or a murderer, a procrastinator or a man of action. I might be truly mad or sane pretending to be mad or even mad pretending to be sane.

The government was to raise the duty on cheese to 83 percent, an unpopular move that would doubtless have the more militant citizens picketing cheese shops.

I wished I could share my own optimism.

We try to make art perfect because we never manage it in real life

I think Wordsworth was as surprised to see me as I was him. It can't be usual to go to your favorite memory only to find someone already there, admiring the view ahead of you.

This is our siblings of more famous BookWorld Personalities self-help group expalined Loser (Gatsby). That's Sharon Eyre, the younger and wholly disreputable sister of Jane; Roger Yossarian, the draft dodger and coward; Rupert Bond, still a virgin and can't keep a secret; Tracy Capulet, who has slept her way round Verona twice; and Nancy Potter, who is a Muggle.

We're in a psuedoscientific technobabble.

People don't change just because you know more about them.

The course of true love rarely runs smooth.

I loved him, officer. More than any woman ever loved an egg.

Said by Colin the dragon: It's somewhat bizarre to learn that many of you (humans)think that other humans are somehow different enough to be hated and killed, when in reality you're all all tiresomely similiar in outlook, needs and motivation, and differ only by peculiar habits, generally shaped by geographical circumstance.

Unless the hole is MEANT to be square,' I said with a sudden erudition that surprised me, 'in which case, all the round pegs are the ones that are wrong, and if the ROUND hole is one that is not meant to be square, then the square ones will, no, hang on--' 'Shame,' said the historian, 'and you were doing so well.

I'm sure it's not all hot buttered crumpets out there in the breathing world of asphalt and heartbeats.

Troll Wars were like Batman movies: both were repeated at regular intervals, featured expensive hardware, and were broadly predictable.

Are all our dates going to be like that? said Perkins. I hope not, I replied with a smile, but it was quite fun, wasn't it? I mean, it's not like we were killed or eaten or anything, right? If your idea of a good date is not being killed and eaten, you'll never be disappointed.

There is much unexplained in the world. It behoves one to be wary at all times. Just when you think you've got the hang of it, along comes string theory, collateralised debt obligations or Björk's new album, and bam! You're as confused as you were when you first started.

Prices of semicolons, plot devices, prologues and inciting incidents continued to fall yesterday, lopping twenty points off the TomJones Index.

A good butler should save his employer's life at least once a day.

I've got six months to sort out the hackers, get the Japanese knotweed under control and find an acceptable form of narcissus.

Her areas of expertise are bar codes, book titles and maps - she has an original Parker Brothers map of the world.

She was named Jocaminca fforkes, with two small 'f's - as if having two 'f's wasn't pretentious enough

Don't underestimate mediocrity... Lasting happiness, I've found, only really favors the unadventurous.

Can I ask why? Why what? Why you're something you're not? We're all something we're not, he said. Every one of us is stuck between the person we want to be and the person we can be and there doesn't have to be a why. All things have to do is feel right.

She had large, questioning eyes that seemed to draw me in and a sense of quiet outrage that simmered just beneath the surface. More than anything, within her features, there was a streak of wild quirkiness that made her dazzlingly attractive.