Quotes from Jasper Fforde

The only way to write is to write. Writers write. And when they've written, they write some more.

So you're going to have to ask yourselves on simple question: Which one of us is speaking now?

My father said it was a delightfully odd - and dangerously self-destructive - quirk of humans that we were far more interested in pointless trivia then in genuine news stories.

But the truth inevitably found me, as important truths often do, like a lost thought in need of a mind.

You a brave person?' 'I don't know.' 'You'll find out soon enough.

They'd never get here in time. It's easy. A lobotomized monkey could do it." "And where are we going to find a lobotomized monkey at this time of night?

The best lies to tell, said Jane, are the ones people want to believe.

Don't anyone move. . . I think we've driven into a mimefield.

A sloppy half-Windsor is the first symptom of serial indolence' she replied in the patronizing voice that Yellows reserved for Rule-breakers, 'and ignoring the infraction gives the impression that it is acceptable to be inappropriately attired. The next day it might be badly polished shoes, then uncouth language, showing off and impoliteness. Before one knows it, the rot of disharmony would start to dismantle everything that we know and cherish.

By spiritually I merely mean that I feel I have good in my soul and am inclined to follow the correct course of action given a prescribed set of circumstances.

It's somewhat bizarre to learn that many of you think that other humans are somehow different enough to be hated and killed when in reality you're all tiresomely similar in outlook, needs and motivation, and differ only by peculiar habits, generally shaped by geographical circumstances.

If we didn't execute bankers and rogue traders found guilty of financial mischief, it might give them the clear signal that it's actually okay, and then where would we be?

Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to for the greater good.

Gregors', 'Greggs' or 'The Maccy-Gs' are all rabbit slang for law enforcement agents, named after Mr McGregor, the villain in the Beatrix Potter Peter Rabbit books. In the dubbed-into-Rabbity version of Star Wars, Darth Vader is literally translated as 'Mr McGregor'.

The other three orderlies who accompanied him are critical in the hospital.' 'Critical?' 'Yes. Don't like the food, beds uncomfortable, waiting lists too long - usual crap. Other than that they're fine.

If it takes us 10 years to get into the shit, it will take us 20 to get out. And the journey starts NOW.

She had met the man who was now her husband. He was seven foot three, and she was six foot two and a quarter. It was a match made perhaps not in heaven but certainly nearer the ceiling.

plans are all well and good in the Summer, but in the Winter it's wise to simply have an objective.' 'I thought we were meant to make a plan and stick to it?' 'Events move fast,' he said, 'and you need on-the-hoof flexibility to ensure the plan doesn't get in the way of the goal.' It actually seemed like quite good advice.

Cucumbers are technically a fruit and in the same family as pumpkins, melons and squash, so it may benefit those markets, although, to be honest, giant melons don't strike me as potentially that commercial.

I liked him, but since his particular field of interest was Remote Suggestion--the skill of projecting thoughts into people's heads from a distance--I didn't know whether I actually liked him or he was just suggesting I like him, which was both creepy and unethical. In fact, the whole Remote Suggestion or seeding idea had been banned once it was discovered to be the key ingredient in promoting talent less boy bands, which had until then been something of a mystery.

If you drive at precisely twenty-nine miles per hour, the rumble strips play 'Jerusalem' on the car tires. Listen." Mary slowed to the correct speed and

1.1.19.02.006: Team sports are mandatory in order to build character. Character is there to give purpose to team sports.

Strive for the Long Now

Edward, Edward, he said with a patronising smile, there are no unanswered questions of any relevance. Every question that we need to ask has been answered fully. If you can't find the correct answer then you are obviously asking the wrong question.