Quotes from Jasper Fforde

If you want your fridge-freezer and your car and a nice house and asphalt on the roads and a health service, then thank the weapons business. Thank the war economy that drives us to this.

You want me to spy on a National Colour operative?' 'Wow,' she said, 'you got it. I thought I was going to have to explain that one for a lot longer.

Mr McGregor's a nasty piece of work, isn't he? Quite the Darth Vader of children's literature.

Don't you own a dodo?

So when did you first consider a Winter career?' asked Williams, who seemed chatty. 'Oh, eight seconds ago,' I replied.

Everyone needs dreams,' she said simply. 'If you don't have them, they can't come true.

The verses of Byron, Keats or Poe are real whether they are in bootleg form or not. You can still read them for the same effect.

Staying awake in the winter requires considerable pantry, a lot of luck, warm clothes, and several dozen good books.

Truly competent Literary Detectives are as rare as truthful men, Mr. Tweed -- you can see her potential as clearly as I can. Frightened of someone stealing your thunder, perhaps?

Are you married? Yes, I mumbled, that is to say - no. Come, come, said Havisham angrily. It is a simple enough question. I was married, I answered. Died? No, I mumbled, that is to say - yes. I'll try harder questions in future, announced Havisham, for you are obviously not adept at the easy ones.

I'm beginning to think you're the sort of person who does a great deal with very little. He meant a liar.

Really?" I asked, which is probably the only answer to anything in Conspiracy.

There's more to good or bad than what's written in the Rulebook.

For myself, I favored the abstract. I collected not just obsolete terms and words, but ideas.

Prejudice is best lubricated with ignorance

The sky was like ebony and the only illumination was the harsh white light of the central streetlamp, which cast shadows so hard it seemed you might cut yourself on them.

And we kissed again. It was a warm, indescribably lovely feeling. But it was more than just physical. It was a dialogue between two young people with high ideals and a Big Plan. It was about belonging, secrets, partnership, commitment.

Our own dimension was coded ID-11 and was the only League member with diphtheria, David Hasselhoff and the French, which amused the rest of the multiverse no end.

I kicked off my shoes and flopped on the sofa next to Gran, who had fallen asleep over a sock she was knitting. It was already a good twelve feet long because, she said, she had "yet to build up enough courage to turn the heel.

Les presento al nuevo expósito, Tiger Prawns. Tiger te presento a las hermanas Karamázov. Deirdre y Deirdre. -¿Por qué se llaman igual? -Tenían un padre con muy poca imaginación.

Rabbits never drove fast. They like to enjoy the view, didn't much care for speed and besides, it was wasteful of fuel. If you want to get somewhere a long way away, just leave early. Days, if that's required. Or, as Samuel C. Rabbit had it: 'nhffnfhfiifhfnnffhrhrfhrf' or 'to travel joyously is better than to arrive.

Dragons, like four o'clock tea, crumpets, marmalade, and zip-up cardigans, are a peculiarity to the Ununited Kingdoms. They are fierce, fire-breathing creatures of great intelligence, dignity, and sensitivity who could and did converse on matters of great importance. But for all their intelligence, wit, and social graces, dragons still had one habit that made them impossible to ignore." "And that is?" "They liked to eat people.

Outside Styx's apartment was not the first time Rochester and I had met, or would it be the last. We first encountered each other at Haworth House in Yorkshire when my mind was young and the barrier between reality and make-believe had not yet hardened into the shell that cocoons us in adult life. The barrier was soft, pliable and, for a moment, thanks to the kindness of a stranger and the power of a good storytelling voice, I made the short journey--and returned.

Male guilt avoidance syndrome,' explained my father. 'It's a recognised medical condition by 2054.