Quotes from Jasper Fforde

She opened the door within two seconds of his pressing the doorbell, letting out a stream of cats that ran around with such rapidity and randomness of motion that they assumed a liquid state of furry purringness.

She looked around at the close confines of the NCD offices. They were cramped and untidy. No. They were worse than that. They had gone through cramped and untidy, paused briefly at small and shabby before ending up at pokey and damp.

He's not as bad as everyone makes out. He might buy venerable old companies and strip their assets, causing numerous layoffs and the odd corporate suicide or two, but that's business. Inside, he's a big teddy bear.

Jack said nothing. It was time to start putting his plan into action. Then he remembered: He didn't have one.

Mary? said an officer who was carrying a large potted plant in the manner of someone who thinks it is well outside his job description.

So you could value your own life, replied the Titan. Before that you were under the gods' thumbs, doing their bidding without caring if you lived or died. When you could see that life was worth living by your fear of the unknown that was death, then you could really make things happen.

Prejudice is a product of ignorance that hides behind barriers of tradition

Never underestimate the capacity for romance, no matter what the circumstances.

I'm always surprised that you all don't take more interest in other creatures. It's like living on a street and not knowing your next-door neighbor. If I were human, I'd start investing in a little kindness. When the arthropods rule the planet, all those lobster dishes and crab sticks could well be a cause of some regret.

Take no heed of her, explained Jones apologetically. She reads a lot of books.

9.3.88.32.025: The cucumber and the tomato are both fruit; the avocado is a nut. To assist with the dietary requirements of vegetarians, on the first Tuesday of the month a chicken is officially a vegetable.

The atmosphere in the room was so thick with dramatic clichés you could have cut it with a knife.

The only thing you really get to figure out after a lifetime of study is that there's more stuff to figure out. Frustrating and enlightening at the same time.

Businessman, philanthropist, large egg.

Mücken haben die blaue Ziege gestochen.

To me, grass is simply a transitional phase for turning sunlight into milk.

I was glad to see I had only witnessed Dad's death and not the end of his life, as the two I learned are barely related at all.

I had never come across a talking cat before, but good manners, as my father used to say, cost nothing.

She was the sort of parent you would want to have living close by, but only on the grounds that she would then never come to stay. I loved her dearly, but in small doses.

Got the rocket-propelled liquorice launcher handy?

If this were a novel, you'd have to start a new chapter as soon as I appeared.

The SpecOps dress code stated that our apparel should be 'dignified' but in Cordelia's case they had obviously stretched a point.

Are you okay? asked Finisterre. Annoyed, I said, giving him my hand so he could heave me to my feet. Yes, I should imagine being attacked by a nun might be annoying.

Mind you, if we we're talking about regeneration, we could go a step further and take a leaf out of the sponge book. There are sponges you can chop to pieces, whiz up in the blender, and then press through a sieve, but they'll still regenerate. Useful, maybe, I replied, but I think there is a limit to the amount of fun you could have as a sponge.