Quotes from Jasper Fforde

Punching goblins, replied Sprockett soothingly, while offering short-term relief, has no long-term beneficial value

What do I do? Asked the princess. You keep your head down. She looked at me petulantly. Like hell I will. If we're going to die, I'm going down fighting, even if I'm terrible with a weapon. Fair enough, I said, handing her a cutlass. She swished it around. Pointy end toward the bad guy, right? Right.

Governments might come and go, wars will reshape the Ununited Kingdoms many times. But companies will stay, and flourish. Show me any major even on this planet and I will show you the economic reason behind it. Commerce is all powerful, Miss Strange. Commerce rules our lives.

Do you know what happened when they tried to upgrade SCROLL?" said Bradshaw. "The system conflict wiped out the entire library at Alexandria—they had to torch the lot to stop it spreading.

Said by Maltcassion the Dragon: Humans, he scoffed. Always so inquiring about stuff. Never satisfied with the status quo. It will be your downfall, but oddly enough, it´s also one of your more endearing features. Do we have any otheres? Oy yes, plenty.

We remember David and Catriona Balfour as friends, colleagues, worthy members of our calling, protagonists in Kidnapped and Catriona and for all the booksploring they did— especially finding a way into Barchester, for which we will always be grateful.

There used to be places called prisons before the Epiphany, where the demerited were restrained against their will. It sounds hideously barbaric Prisons are still with us; only the walls are constructed of fear, taboo and the unknown.

Besides, I punched him in the eye.

the perception of a threat was eight times as good as a real one

You intend to go . . . supersonic?' 'Trust us,' said Owen with a smile, 'it's faintly possible that we know what we're doing.

Curiosity is a descending stair…that leads to only who-knows-where.

Keep your head down, Edward. Those that see too much quickly find themselves seeing nothing at all.

You're the Cheshire Cat, aren't you?' I asked. 'I was the Cheshire Cat,' he replied with a slightly aggrieved air. 'But they moved the county boundaries, so technically speaking I'm now the Unitary Authority of Warrington Cat, but it doesn't have the same ring to it.

Now and again. Good residency is about having the power to ask someone to do something, but not necessarily exercising it.

It has been long proved that everyone needs a butler.

Those that can be troubled to muse upon the meaning of life are generally disappointed when they figure it out.

a standing ovation from five-year-olds is not to be sniffed at.

He shook his head, looked around carefully and then lowered his voice. "Pretend to be mad and talk a lot. Then—and this is the important bit—do nothing at all until you absolutely have to and then make sure everyone dies." "Thanks

Lady Mawgon, please don't think me insensitive, but any attempt to reanimate Mr. Pusskins on the back of the Dibble Storage Coils hacking enchantment might be looked on disfavourably by the other wizards." Her eyes narrowed and she gave me one of those stares that seem to hit the back of my skull like a dozen hot needles. "None of you have an idea what Mr. Pusskins meant to me.

the known had been so long dwarfed by the unknown that confusion was an easy bedfellow.

Mrs. Hilly had gone for the Swindon/Szechuan fusion menu and had steak and chips dim sum followed by hot Fanta in a teapot.

In fact, the room was so quiet you might have heard a drop of paint splash.

Prejudice is a product of ignorance that hides behind barriers of tradition, Inspector.

Keep people reading books, Mum; it helps to reinforce and strengthen the indefinable moments that anchor us in the here and now. Strive for the long now.