Quotes from Russell Howard

I don't want to do a rabidly left-wing show. I think it's much more interesting to turn the knife on yourself.

Your country becomes funnier the further you are from it. I remember seeing Boris Johnson on the news when I was in Hong Kong, and he looked so much more ridiculous.

I do cryotherapy, which is where you're in minus 70 and you have three minutes of deep freeze and your body thinks it's dying so it produces loads of blood cells and then you're fine - apparently.

The hit rap duo Kris Kross wore their trousers backwards, in the Nineties, and I wore my trousers backwards to a school disco. It led to some bullying.

The number of old ladies who've beaten me up on TV is absolutely ridiculous.

Whenever the word 'weird' is mentioned it can only be an insult.

'Monty Python' was never on TV in the U.K. when I was a kid.

Real life is hard. I'm sorry, but shopping at Tesco is not as much fun as writing jokes for TV shows, and I struggle with it.

I don't really do any corporate gigs or I don't really cash in which is a bit silly and much to the annoyance of my family. I'd rather just do gigs that I like and TV shows that I like rather than personal appearances at a nightclub.

Mum's side of the family are daft, beautiful and brilliant.

Mumbai was magical, which I was really surprised by, and I got an insight into the world of Bollywood while hanging out with some Bollywood film stars while there.

When you are doing stand up, it is the most glorious hour, when you are an X-Men version of yourself, with lasers coming out of your eyes.

It's really frustrating when you write a show and it's really funny and someone and from Standards and Decency says, 'You can't put that in because it has a naughty word.'

Neither me or my wife are any good at cooking.

The British Museum is great for seeing how excellent we were at stealing things.

The strange thing about people considering me upbeat is that I'm really not.

Britain is perceived as a laughing stock and a mess. It's a very scary and divided place.

Oddly, I am really cool under pressure.

If I was to get into Twitter I'd expose myself to people who adore me or people who absolutely hated me. Neither of those are useful to my soul.

It's a bit of a cliche but throughout London, even in places like Notting Hill, you'll see utter luxury alongside council flats - it shows the tapestry of life and I adore that.

I think all our leaders are utterly beneath us. You just watch 'Prime Minister's Questions' and go: 'How is this the best that we've got?'

But I did break my mum's heart, because I turned down 'Strictly' twice. I just couldn't do it. It's not for me.

Los Angeles feels empty and overrated. I struggle with it as a holiday destination. It's the sort of place where you need to know some locals, otherwise it just feels so empty.

I found out recently that my 'Good News' show has a big following in North Korea and the Vatican City! Who knew Kim Jong-un and the Pope liked fast-paced satire?