Quotes from J. B. Smoove

You got to start by doing little things if your quest is to take over the world.

You turn hotdogs with tongs. Don't you ever use those tongs on a hamburger.

Sad when you spend more time trying to stay alive than living.

The ruckus is different experiences you go through throughout your life which builds your ruckus points up - your tolerance. You've got to have a high tolerance for dealing with stuff all the time.

You gotta improvise in life. You gotta improv if the police pull you over.

For me, standup will always be some part of my life, and other things will move around and find their place.

I'll drive down the street, and I'll practice improv. I will sit there at a red light and see two guys talking to each other, and I will just start playing both characters. I can't hear them, but I can see their mouths moving, so I'll just put words in their mouths.

I wouldn't want to be someone's roommate, that's for sure. You can't do certain things: you can't leave the bathroom door open... you can't put your feet on the couch, you can't hide stuff in the couch.

I was the hallway clown in high school.

I'm big on facial expressions, and I'm big on mannerisms, which I find to be hilarious.

I thought 'Pineapple Express' was hilarious.

I'm afraid one thing - I don't like heights. Heights bug me out. I'm not cool with heights. I refuse to do a comedy show 12 stories up. I'm fearless about everything else.

I loved Peter Sellers. I thought he was the perfect mix of physical comedy with out-of-the-box humor. I loved his tone; I loved his physicality; I loved everything about what he was doing as a comedic actor.

That's what I am; I'm a drip. You still get hydrated, you still get your nutrients, just a little at a damn time.

I most resemble Benjamin Button. I evolve. I attach myself to the heartbeat of whatever is going on at that particular time, or I just chart a new path.

To be a true comic, you have to have a signature move. You ever watch wrestling? And your favorite wrestler has the one move that he always does to finish his opponent off, right? Like when he climbs on the rope, and he always jumps off the top rope and finishes off his opponent - that's what a comic has.

Remember Tupperware? That was the toughest stuff ever. Why can't they make a phone out of Tupperware?

True Yankees fans know an up-and-coming player when they see one.

Oh, yeah, I've seen 'Seinfeld' 1,000 times.

People love things about Hollywood. People love to see the inside of what's going on.

I'm trying to be the Jay-Z of comedy one day. I don't know if there's any comedy moguls out there, but I would love to be the first comedy mogul.

I love to pitch things that I believe in and products that I love to use.

I may even show up behind the camera. I love to put things together; I love to give direction. I have a great eye for pace.

I'm street smart. You can't con me. But that's just from living in New York. Now if a guy came from Mississippi somewhere, Ohio somewhere, to New York City for the first time, he don't have the street smarts. You can take him.