Quotes from Penn Jillette

In my private life, I'm not around any drugs or alcohol.

I've never had a drink of alcohol or any drug in my life.

The pure unadulterated disgust of Washington seems to me to be a really good thing.

When you tell other people to do stuff they don't know how to do, they tend to freak out.

Comedy is taken care of by a free market.

My body really, really wanted to reproduce when I was 15. It took a lot of civilization, socialization, willpower and some emulsion polymerization technology for me not to reproduce at 15.

Everybody wants clean, safe energy. Some people think nuclear is the way to go. Some people think coal is the way to go. Some people think wind is the way to go. And there's always balances on that.

If I go out to dinner with you and you order wine, I leave. I won't be around drugs and alcohol at all.

The first thing I said to myself on 9/11 was, 'There go our civil rights.' I found out by comparing notes later that George Carlin and I both said that at the exact same time. That's the first thing that popped into our head.

For the most part, any serious magic show is not using very much technology newer than theatrical lights.

Even if I disagree with Obama on many, many things, he is certainly qualified to be president. He is certainly competent to be president.

I'm not bothered by the idea of getting old, or I guess you could say by having arrived at old. I was 10 when my mom turned 55. For 1955, she was a very old mom.

But it's much more exciting to make Die Hard. One of the reasons that I think that movie is so successful is it deals with those very important blue-collar relationship themes. But it's more visually beautiful to show things blowing up. It just gives you more on the screen.

You have two choices with Obama. You either believe that he is a man of Christ... or you think he's a liar. And I'm surprised by the number of atheist free thinkers that support Obama, and their argument is essentially, 'He's lying about being religious 'cause you have to do that to get elected.' It's a horrible reason to like somebody.

The whole world is pretending the breakthrough is in technology. The bottleneck is really in art.

In reality, many people let go of religion later in life.

I was about 12 when I heard my first Lenny Bruce record. He was already dead. But it changed my life and really did change the world.

I read a lot of books to my children, and they all seem really good. I think people have gotten really good at children's books.

Obama is a great leader. He can fire people up and get them to do what he wants.

Religion cannot and should not be replaced by atheism. Religion needs to go away and not be replaced by anything. Atheism is not a religion. It's the absence of religion, and that's a wonderful thing.

Behaving morally because of a hope of reward or a fear of punishment is not morality. Morality is not bribery or threats. Religion is bribery and threats. Humans have morality. We don't need religion.

I like movies that are scary, but I don't want them to be dirt dumb. I want a movie that gets my blood racing, makes me laugh, but also gives me something to think about, with maybe a little sexy thrown in. Hollywood doesn't make movies like that.

Before you can read, you know the difference between a story and reality. And, of course, by the time you're old enough to do any real damage with an Uzi, you've learned that difference.

If you've gotten yourself into a situation when Clay Aiken is going to talk about his feelings with you, it's time to kill yourself.