Quotes from Noel Fielding

I did work in a bakery for one day. But the boss went off and when he came back I was lying on the floor eating cakes.

If you're going to be a good standup, or a successful standup, or a standup who can work for money, you have to eliminate the possibility of dying quickly.

When I was three or four, I was really good at drawing and painting, and everyone used to say, "You're going to go to art college." I didn't really know what that meant.

When you're 14 and you're with your friends, you laugh about really stupid stuff, but as you get older, the laughter inside you dies. When you're older, you need a bit of help.

All my friends got dogs and cats for Christmas, and I got a starfish called Roy. I used to take him down to the park on a lead.

I don't hate Coldplay to be cool I genuinely hate Coldplay.

In television, there are so many things between you making a joke and the audience seeing it. It's like an assault course.

You go to all these parties and meet all these crazy people. But ultimately, it just ends up with you in a club, and then you're in the VIP area of the club, and then you're in the special secret VIP bit, and then eventually, it's just you, on your own, in a VIP box, going, 'Is this fun? I'm not sure this is fun.'

I loved being a man-woman. It's much more interesting than being one or the other.

That's the authentic punk dance. It's like a child dizzy on lemonade.

We got everythin' we need here. We got Baileys, creamy, and, um... everythin' good. I'll get ya another Baileys

I'm a mischievous drunk.

When I was a little kid I always wanted to be ginger. My best friend was ginger and he was pretty cool.

I'd like to punch out a really old lady. There'd be no repercussions.

When I was a little kid I wanted to be Face. I thought, cos I had blond hair and he did too, that when I grew up I'd look like him.