Quotes from Neil Simon

If you can go through life without experiencing pain you probably haven't been born yet.

Money brings some happiness. But after a certain point, it just brings more money.

It looks different when you're sober; I thought I had twice as much furniture.

New York is not Mecca. It just smells like it.

I don't like dating or just living with a woman. I like to create a relationship, a marriage. And almost all of my marriages have involved children, so I'm really a family man as well.

Writers feel like a middleman, standing with pen in hand over the page. A force greater than me stands above telling me what to write. That may sound romantic, but that's how it feels.

Writing is an escape from a world that crowds me. I like being alone in a room. It's almost a form of meditation- an investigation of my own life.

Talent is the gift plus the passion - a desire to succeed so intense that no force on earth can stop it.

You must realize that honorary degrees are given generally to people whose SAT scores were too low to get them into schools the regular way. As a matter of fact, it was my SAT scores that led me into my present vocation in life, comedy.

He's too nervous to kill himself. He wears his seat belt in a drive-in movie.

Evan Handler's new book is simply wonderful. He pulls you inside his life, and you come out his very close friend.

Everyone thinks they can write a play you just write down what happened to you. But the art of it is drawing from all the moments of your life.

I LOVE living, I have some problems with my LIFE, but living is the best thing they've come up with so far.

Sports is the only entertainment where, no matter how many times you go back, you never know the ending.

If no one ever took risks, Michaelangelo would have painted the Sistine floor.

Give your mind a chance to travel through foreign languages.

How long do you want to wait until you start enjoying life? When you're sixty-five you get social security.

Sudden money is going from zero to two hundred dollars a week. The rest doesn't count.

All humor is based on hostility - that's why World War Two was funny.

There's no such thing as a sure thing. That's why they call it gambling.

I LOVE living, I have some problems with my LIFE, but living is the best thing they've come up with so far.

When its 100 degrees in New York, it's 72 in Los Angeles. When its 30 degrees in New York, in Los Angeles it's still 72. However, there are 6 million interesting people in New York, and only 72 in Los Angeles.

Never underestimate the stimulation of eccentricity.

If you can go through life without experiencing pain you probably haven't been born yet.