Quotes from Joe Lycett

I love painting. I love writing. I love creating and being around people who are creating.

I don't want a little Oliver/Olivia parasite running about eating my biscuits. My friends, on the other hand, are procreating like humanity depends on it, and it doesn't.

Life is hard. There's parking fines, PPI, the Kardashians - it's a marvel any of us manage to get out of bed.

Best place I've visited is probably Tanzania when I was younger and I'd love to go to America as I haven't been to loads of places there yet.

I don't think I like sharing the limelight.

I keep getting mobbed in M&S and Debenhams. I feel like Barry Manilow.

I don't do vulgarity, I prefer to talk about nice things.

There's a beautifully simple sketch in the first episode of 'Smack the Pony:' two women approach each other walking their dogs and as they pass the women bark at each other, the dogs remaining perfectly calm. It kills me every time.

Even though I now eat meat, I have halloumi every day - even at breakfast.

I think it's something to do with the nurturing side of the psyche; tying up a sunflower or whatever and helping it grow, it is just some kind of core human experience.

I'm not sure if I'm an introvert or extrovert. I love being around people, but sometimes I do need to go off and fart.

I love 'Pointless.'

I'm a qualified swimming instructor.

I always loved 'The Weakest Link' and how brutal Anne Robinson was on it.

Companies ignoring their customers. I think it's unforgivable. And I count using a chatbot on your website as ignoring your customers. Stop doing it.

I'm a bit done with weddings. There are so many and I'm so bored of them.

Normally during the week between Christmas and New Year I'm slumped in a chair in Birmingham, eating, farting and spouting total nonsense.

The Time It Takes' is one of the most brilliantly daft shows I've ever been involved in - and that's saying something.

I remember weeping silently in bed after watching 'Titanic.'

I get frustrated by the way camp is portrayed sometimes. Camp, for me, is a nice 'everyone is welcome' kind of thing rather than an 'ooh, what's she wearing' kind of thing.

I have always been an extrovert. When I was younger, I would go outside and sing to the flowers and pretend they were the orchestra. As one of my parents' friends said, I was an odd boy.

I am the promise guardian to a wonderful girl called Grace, a role akin to a godfather but without the Christian responsibilities, as I am a devout Jedi.

My sewing skills are terrible!

I think it's important some people do publicly go 'Hey, I'm not straight and I'm not gay. I'm somewhere in the middle and that's ok.'