Quotes from Kathy Griffin

I'm not always in that good with middle-aged heterosexual men.

I'm always listening and watching; my ear is like a boom mike. And judging, frankly. Constantly judging.

It's too much trouble to get laid. Because you have to go out with a guy, and go to dinner with him, and listen to him talk about his opinions, and I don't have that kind of time.

The beauty about the D-list is that people who are on it probably don't know they are.

Food is my thing, I do not smoke or drink, so food is my vice.

I don't like doing movies, period. Movies are hard. I like TV.

No, I love Montreal... I think I love Montreal more than Montreal loves me... I love the food there.

The great thing about celebrity culture is that they can't seem to stop themselves from displaying their ridiculous behaviour. I feel it's my job as a serious investigative journalist to witness all kinds of behaviour and then report back to the audience through the prism of my own anger and bitterness.

It is a challenge, with the global fame, to try to act like I put my pants on one leg at a time, when in fact I have Pippa Middleton help me put my pants on every morning. She's my lady-in-waiting as well.

But if something funny happens, I can't resist. I have to tell the people.

The thing that bums me out about 'The Real World' is I don't want to believe that teenagers are that stupid.

When I'm going to see a comedian, I don't want to see them hold back, and when I'm reading a book, I don't want to hear an abridged version.

I have what I call A-list moments, but believe me, I'm still on the D-list.

I think I love Montreal more than Montreal loves me... I love the food there.

I grew up in Chicago and was a huge fan of 'The Second City', so when I moved to L.A., I was looking for anything that resembled that... then I started 'The Groundlings', so I went to a show and it was very much like 'Second City'. I was so impressed that that same night I went backstage and I went up to the funniest person there.

I'm also doing a special for Comedy Central called Autobiography. It's going to be a spoof of Biography.

To give up my job as a temp and actually make a living doing comedy, it was staggering.

Gwyneth Paltrow names her kid Apple. I'm not going to let that stand.

I'll be honest, there's a part of me that does think I'm held to a different standard than my contemporaries and peers, and it's a little frustrating.

It was a nightmare having cameras in the house 10 hours a day for a month.

I'm a female in comedy, so of course I want there to be more women on 'SNL', and women of color.

A lot of stars don't have a sense of humor.

I also love Mole, the unsung hero of reality programming.

I love to work. I love doing standup.