Quotes from Don Rickles

If I have learned anything, it is to keep my wife happy by sending her lavish gifts. Other men can learn from my success and send their wives and girlfriends fresh flowers for birthdays, anniversaries, and of course, Valentine's Day.

I always rib people, but nobody ever gives me a hard time. I don't know why. Maybe they're afraid of what I might say. There's probably a lesson in that somewhere, but I don't know what it is.

After I graduated, I tried Broadway, which was difficult for me. It was tough to get a part on Broadway, so I just started talking to audiences at different social gatherings, and little by little I became Don Rickles - whatever that is.

Some people call me a legend and the last of the greats, and I appreciate it.

I have a wonderful road manager, and he travels with me. And my valet and friend travels with me. My little entourage is great, and they take good care of me.

You throw your best punch, otherwise don't do it.

The average person pushes an elevator button 6 or 7 minutes before realizing it's not working. I did a study on this, you know.

After over 50 years of headlining, I've been received very beautifully. But I always say, when you're onstage, you can't please everybody. I'm sure there are people who may not take to what I do, but that's OK.

Now when I'm not working, I don't really hang out with the young comics.

Bob Hope was totally regimented. I go in and say a line like, 'Hi Bob' and I'd have to do it five times, and then Bob would take me to the writers to say the line different ways. He wouldn't let me ad-lib.

I used to work over a bar. That was - there was no stage. I stood over a tiny bar. Louis Prima, rest his soul, he worked there. I was the guy that filled in when he was off the stage.

I was sitting in the toilet and I was by myself. I was tired of playing with the roller, so I said I'd better write a book.

I don't have regrets. I've never sat here and thought, 'Gee, if only I'd done 'The Man Who Came to Dinner' on Broadway, I would have been happier.'

I still have drive, but everything is relative.

I've been hot, I've been lukewarm, I've been freezing, but I've always been a headliner.

I ride a recumbent bike for half an hour every day.

I was in World War II; I cried when they took me in the Navy. That's the last time I cried.

I spent two and a half years in the Philippines in World War II.

Most people think the character I do onstage is the way I am offstage, but I'm just a regular guy who spends time with his family and who turns on the television and watches a lot of sports.

The thing I love about Vegas is that it's a melting pot. It's like working Ellis Island.

I don't walk into a dinner party and say, 'You're an idiot; give me my coat.'

I don't do impressions.

I did a few movies, but the word 'star'... I cannot compare to a star like Clint Eastwood. I used to call Clint 'Larry Dickman' when he would come to my show; then, he started using the name when he would go under cover in a 'Dirty Harry' movie. That's why he's a movie star... he's so creative.

It's tough having the last name 'Rickles.' Luckily, my kids handled it great.