Quotes from Gretchen Rubin

Jamie is a funny mix. He has a sardonic side that can make him seem distant and almost harsh to people who don't know him well, but he's also very tender-hearted. (A

Studies of what's called the "dinner party problem" show that once a group includes five people, it usually splits into two or more conversations.

We nonjoyous types suck energy and cheer from the joyous ones; we rely on them to buoy us with their good spirit and to cushion our agitation and anxiety. At the same time, because of a dark element in human nature, we're sometimes provoked to try to shake the enthusiastic, cheery folk out of their fog of illusion—to make them see that the play was stupid, the money was wasted, the meeting was pointless. Instead of shielding their joy, we blast it.

Keeping a good habit costs us: it may cost time, energy, and money, and it may mean forgoing pleasures and opportunities—but not keeping a good habit also has its cost. So which cost do we want to pay?

But it doesn't matter what we think a person (or ourselves) "should be able to" do—what matters is only what works for each individual. To help people change their habits or behavior, we should help get them what they need to succeed, whether that's more clarity, more information, more outer accountability, or more choices.

I can DO ANYTHING I want, but I can't DO EVERYTHING I want.

A Rebel on a mission is a force of nature, a superstar. No need for checklists, for routines, rules, or habits to get things done. The need to find a cause, something to truly believe in and fight for, is vital. The inner belief is so strong, it will withstand any external pressure. A Rebel believes in his/her own uniqueness, and even superiority. There's certainly an aspect of arrogance. But if Rebels find the cause, then that's their master.

The first and most important habits question is: "How does a person respond to an expectation?" When we try to form a new habit, we set an expectation for ourselves. Therefore, it's crucial to understand how we respond to expectations.

It's a Secret of Adulthood: Working is one of the most dangerous forms of procrastination.)

the most reliable predictor of not being lonely is the amount of contact with women. Time spent with men doesn't make a difference. Learning about this research made a difference in my attitude toward Jamie. I love him with all my heart

that the real key to habits is decision making—or, more accurately, the lack of decision making. A habit requires no decision from me, because I've already decided.

I'd noticed idly that a lot of people use the term goal instead of resolution, and one day in December, it struck me that this difference was in fact significant. You 'hit' a goal, you 'keep' a resolution.

Studies suggest that we repeat about 40 percent of our behavior almost daily. So if we change our habits, we change our lives.

And a sense of purpose is very important to happiness. But

DON'T PUT THINGS DOWN; PUT THINGS AWAY.

often felt frustrated because he never wanted to have long heart-to-heart discussions. In particular, I wished that he would take more interest in my work.

One study estimated that people spend about one-fourth of their waking time resisting some aspect of desire—most commonly, the urge to eat, to sleep, to grab some leisure, and to pursue some kind of sexual urge.

When we give more to ourselves, we can ask more from ourselves.

Happiness," wrote Yeats, "is neither virtue nor pleasure nor this thing nor that, but simply growth. We are happy when we are growing." Contemporary researchers make the same argument: that it isn't goal attainment but the process

striving after goals—that is, growth—that brings happiness.

Learning that men and women both turn to women for understanding showed me that Jamie wasn't ignoring me out of lack of interest or affection; he just wasn't good at giving that kind of support. Jamie wasn't going to have a long discussion about whether

In a nutshell, Rebels respond best to a sequence of information, consequences, and choice. We must give Rebels the information they need to make an informed decision; alert them to the consequences of actions they might take; then allow them to choose—

I've learned to resist my inclination to meet an expectation unthinkingly, and to ask, "Why am I meeting this expectation, anyway?

In ordinary terms, a "habit" is generally defined as a behavior that's recurrent, is cued by a specific context, often happens without much awareness or conscious intent, and is acquired through frequent repetition.