Quotes from Terry Pratchett

Learnin' how not to do things is as hard as learning how to do them.

FOR I CAN SEE THE BALANCE AND YOU HAVE LEFT THE WORLD MUCH BETTER THAN YOU FOUND IT, AND IF YOU ASK ME, said Death, NOBODY COULD DO ANY BETTER THAN THAT. . . .

Ah, said Mr Pin. Right. I remember. You are concerned citizens. He knew about concerned citizens. Wherever they were, they all spoke the same private language, where 'traditional values' meant 'hang someone'.

I believe in reincarnation," [Bjorn] said. I KNOW. "I tried to live a good life. Does that help?" THAT'S NOT UP TO ME. Death coughed. OF COURSE... SINCE YOU BELIEVE IN REINCARNATION... YOU'LL BE BJORN AGAIN.

IT WASN'T A DARK AND STORMY NIGHT. It should have been, but that's the weather for you. For every mad scientist who's had a convenient thunderstorm just on the night his Great Work is finished and lying on the slab, there have been dozens who've sat around aimlessly under the peaceful stars while Igor clocks up the overtime.

Belief is one of the most powerful organic forces in the multiverse. It may not be able to move mountains, exactly. But it can create someone who can. People get exactly the wrong idea about belief. They think it works back to front. They think the sequence is, first object, then belief. In fact, it works the other way.

It's beautiful, said Mort softly. What is it? THE SUN IS UNDER THE DISC, said Death. Is it like this every night? EVERY NIGHT, said Death. NATURE'S LIKE THAT. Doesn't anyone know? ME. YOU. THE GODS. GOOD, ISN'T IT? Gosh! Death leaned over the saddle and looked down at the kingdoms of the world. I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, he said, BUT I COULD MURDER A CURRY.

There is a curse. They say: May you live in interesting times.

Mind you, the Elizabethans had so many words for the female genitals that it is quite hard to speak a sentence of modern English without inadvertently mentioning at least three of them.

WHERE'S MY COW?! IS THAT MY COW?! HRRRUUUUGGGH!!!! THAT'S NOT MY COW! THAT'S A HIPPOPOTAMOUS!

Racism was not a problem on the Discworld, because—what with trolls and dwarfs and so on—speciesism was more interesting. Black and white lived in perfect harmony and ganged up on green.

Magic never dies. It merely fades away.

The people who really run organizations are usually found several levels down, where it is still possible to get things done.

After all, when you seek advice from someone it's certainly not because you want them to give it. You just want them to be there while you talk to yourself.

Sometimes I think a man could wander across the disc all his life and not see everything there is to see,' said Twoflower. 'And now it seems there are lots of other worlds as well. When I think I might die without seeing a hundredth of all there is to see it makes me feel,' he paused, then added, 'well, humble, I suppose. And very angry, of course.

In an instant he became aware that the tourist was about to try his own peculiar brand of linguistics, which meant that he would speak loudly and slowly in his own language.

What're quantum mechanics? I don't know. People who repair quantums, I suppose.

It was like being in a Jane Austen novel, but one with far less clothing.

Were you proposing to shoot these people in cold blood, sergeant? Nossir. Just a warning shot inna head, sir.

Thou shalt not submit thy god to market forces.

And no practical definition of freedom would be complete without the freedom to take the consequences. Indeed, it is the freedom upon which all the others are based.

And that's when I first learned about evil. It is built in to the very nature of the universe. Every world spins in pain. If there is any kind of supreme being, I told myself, it is up to all of us to become his moral superior.

The sun is simple. A sword is simple. A storm is simple. Behind everything simple is a huge tail of complicated.

I don't want unnecessary violence, sergeant, said Blouse. Right you are, sir! said the sergeant. Carborundum! First man comes through that door runnin', I want him nailed to the wall! He caught the lieutenant's eye, and added: But not too hard!