Quotes from Terry Pratchett

Teppic hadn't been educated. Education had just settled on him, like dandruff.

Not all questions are answered, commander, but fortunately some answers are questioned.

Ye know full well that the meaning of life is to find your gift. To find your gift is happiness. Never tae find it is misery.

As the eye of narrative drew back from the coffin on its stand, two things happened. One happened comparatively slowly, and this was Vargo's realisation that he never recalled the coffin having a pillow before. The other was Greebo deciding that he was as mad as hell and wasn't going to take it any more.

The invisible people knew that happiness is not the natural state of mankind, and is never achieved from the outside in.

Bandits and governments 'ave so much in common that they might be interchangeable anywhere in the world...

Vimes woke in damp and utter darkness with sand under his cheek. Some parts of his body reported for duty, others protested that they had a note from their mother.

I'm sure you won't dream of trying to escape from your obligations by fleeing the city...' 'I assure you the thought never even crossed my mind, lord.' 'Indeed? Then if I were you I'd sue my face for slander.

There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: this glass is half full. And then there are those who say: this glass is half empty. The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass! Who's been pinching my beer?

When they're laughing at you, their guard is down. When their guard is down, you can kick them in the fracas.

Monsters are getting more uppity, too (...) I heard where this guy, he killed this monster in this lake, no problem, stuck its arm up over the door (...) and you know what? Its mum come and complained. Its actual mum come right down to the hall next day and complained. Actually complained. That's the respect you get.

The elevator shaft was a kind of heat sink. Hot food was cold by the time it arrived. Cold food got colder. No one knew what would happen to ice cream, but it would probably involve some rewriting of the laws of thermodynamics.

But we don't do things like that! said Vimes. You can't go around arresting the Thieves' Guild. I mean, we'd be at it all day!

The aristocrats, if such they could be called, generally hated the whole concept of the train on the basis that it would encourage the lower classes to move about and not always be available.

It's amazing how people define roles for themselves and put handcuffs on their experience and are constantly surprised by the things a roulette universe spins at them.

She strode across the moors as if distance was a personal insult.

Tiffany read the sign and smiled. "Aha," she said. There was nothing to knock on, so she added "Knock, knock" in a louder voice. A woman's voice from within said: "Who's there?" "Tiffany," said Tiffany. "Tiffany who?" said the voice. "Tiffany who isn't trying to make a joke.

SEE! I HAVE TIME. AT LAST, I HAVE TIME Albert backed away nervously. 'And now that you have it, what are you going to do with it?' he said. Death mounted his horse. I AM GOING TO SPEND IT.

Legends don't have to make sense. They just have to be beautiful. Or at least interesting.

People are content to wait a long time for salvation, but expect dinner to turn up within the hour.

There's a kind of magic in masks. Masks conceal one face, but they reveal another. The one that only comes out in darkness. I bet you could do just what you liked, behind a mask ... ?

Falling isn't so bad, you know. It's only the landing that hurts.

It was written in some holy book, apparently, so that made it okay, and probably compulsory.

Nanny Ogg could see the future in the froth on a beer mug. It invariably showed that she was going to enjoy a refreshing drink which she almost certainly was not going to pay for.