Quotes from Terry Pratchett

They were also slightly less intelligent than he was. This is a quality you should always pray for in your would-be murderer.

It was, according to the history books, the fastest coronation since Bubric the Saxon crowned himself with a very pointy crown on a hill during a thunderstorm, and reigned for one and a half seconds.

Just to keep the bad dreams at bay, she took a swig out of a bottle that smelled of apples and happy brain-death.

Charity ain't giving people what you wants to give, it's giving people what they need to get.

Might have just been an innocent bystander, sir,' said Carrot 'What, in Ankh-Morpork?' 'Yes, sir.' 'We should have grabbed him, then, just for the rarity value

Granny's implicit belief that everything should get out of her way extended to other witches, very tall trees and, on occasion, mountains.

Look down, your grace, said Skimmer. Mhm, mhm. Vimes realized he could feel the faintest prick of a knife blade on his stomach. Look down further, he said. Inigo looked down. He swallowed. Vimes had a knife, too. You really are no gentleman, then, he said. Make a sudden move and neither are you, said Vimes.

And then she woke up and it was all a dream.' It was just about the worst ending you could have to any story.

The brain works fast when it thinks it's about to be cut in half.

It takes an unusual man to make up a hymn in a hurry, but such a man was Captain Roberts. He knew every hymn in The Antique and Contemporary Hymn Book, and sang his way through them loudly and joyously when he was on watch, which had been one of the reasons for the mutiny.

I may be daft but I'm no' stupid!

You were safe on a troll. Anyone wanting to mug a troll would have to use a building on a stick.

And the new day was a great big fish

People on the side of The People always ended up disappointed, in any case. They found that The People tended not to be grateful or appreciative or forward-thinking or obedient. The People tended to be small-minded and conservative and not very clever and were even distrustful of cleverness. And so the children of the revolution were faced with the age-old problem: it wasn't that you had the wrong kind of government, which was obvious, but that you had the wrong kind of people.

Oh, well...up until now it had been a good day, in a horrible kind of way.

I mean, it's a good job we've got a last desperate million-to-one chance to rely on, or we'd really be in trouble!

Then the Dean repeated the mantra that has had such a marked effect on the progress of knowledge throughout the ages. "Why don't we just mix up absolutely everything and see what happens?" he said. And Ridcully responded with the traditional response. "It's got to be worth a try," he said.

She couldn't be the prince, and she'd never be a princess, and she didn't want to be a woodcutter, so she'd be the witch and know things.

You can't be loony and rich. You've got to be eccentric if you're rich.

A bad hunter chases, a good hunter waits.

As they say in Discworld, we are trying to unravel the Mighty Infinite using a language which was designed to tell one another where the fresh fruit was.

It must be powerful language if you canna make oout what the heel it's goin' on aboot!

He'd always known that the world was an interesting place, and his imagination had peopled it with pirates and bandits and spies and astronauts and similar. But he'd also had a nagging suspicion that, when you seriously got right down to it, they were all just things in books and didn't properly exist anymore.

It was turning out to be one of those days. The sort you got every day.