Quotes from Terry Pratchett

He couldn't help remembering how much he'd wanted a puppy when he was a little boy. Mind you, they'd been starving – anything with meat on it would have done.

They both savored the strange warm glow of being much more ignorant than ordinary people, who were ignorant of only ordinary things.

Cuius testiculos habes, habeas cardia et cerebellum. When you have their full attention in your grip, their hearts and minds will follow.

Don't stick your nose where someone can pull it off and eat it.

Our rulers rule by consent, which means that we like having them as rulers, if they do what we want them to do.

That's No'-as-big-as-Medium-Sized-Jock-but-bigger-than-Wee-Jock-Jock, mistress,' said Not-as-big-as-Medium-Sized-Jock-but-bigger-than-Wee-Jock-Jock. 'Ye were one jock short,' he added helpfully.

what people mean to do and what is done are two different things

true freedom is so terrible that only the mad or the divine can face it with open eyes.

I never understood that story, anyway," said Nanny. "I mean, if I knew I'd got a heel that would kill me if someone stuck a spear in it, I'd go into battle wearing very heavy boots—

The nose is also the only organ that can see backwards in time.

It was one of those problematic occasions with long silences, sporadic coughs, and people saying isolated things like, Well, isn't this nice.

Just because a woman's got no teeth doesn't mean she's wise. It might just mean she's been stupid for a very long time.

Can I ask a question, sir? said Maurice, as Death turned to go. You May Not Get An Answer. I suppose there isn't a Big Cat in the Sky, is there? I'm Surprised At You, Maurice. Of Course There Are No Cat Gods. That Would Be Too Much Like...Work. Maurice nodded. One good thing about being a cat, apart from the extra lives, was that the theology was a lot simpler.

Here's what I suggest, he said. You pretend that rats can think, and I'll promise to pretend that humans can think, too.

Sometimes it's better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness.

He was, he would be the first to admit, a coward, an incompetent, and not even very good at being a failure.

Of course, like all the informal inhabitants of the University the roaches were a little unusual, but there was something particularly unpleasant about the sound of billions of very small feet hitting the stones in perfect time. Rincewind stepped gingerly over the marching column. The Librarian jumped it. The Luggage, of course, followed them with a noise like someone tapdancing over a bag of crisps.

inn-sewer-ants-polly-sea.

The young man is also an idealist. He has yet to find out that what's in the public interest is not what the public is interested in.

That just goes to show that you never know, although what it is we never know I suspect we'll never know.

They represented what people called the international community. And like all uses of the word community, you were never quite sure what or who it was.

I mean, it's one thing saying you've got the best god, but sayin' it's the only real one is a bit of a cheek, in my opinion. I know where I can find at least two any day of the week. And they say everyone starts out bad and only gets good by believin' in Om, which is frankly damn nonsense.

You were the kind of kid who couldn't see the difference between throwing rocks at a cat and setting it on fire.

Usually he didn't bother the gods, and he hoped the gods wouldn't bother him. Life was quite complicated enough.