Quotes from Terry Pratchett

Trouble is always easy to find when you have enough people looking for it.

And it all meant this: that there are hardly any excesses of the most crazed psychopath that cannot easily be duplicated by a normal, kindly family man who just comes in to work every day and has a job to do. Vorbis loved knowing that. A man who knew that, knew everything he needed to know about people.

I don't think it's weak to admit you made a mistake. That takes strength, if you ask me.

A banker ? Me ? Yes, Mr. Lipwig. But I don't know anything about running a bank! Good. No preconceived ideas. I've robbed banks! Capital! Just reverse your thinking, said Lord Vetinari, beaming. The money should be on the inside .

There was a bond, you see, when we were both young, but she wanted to be the best of all witches and I hoped one day to be Archchancellor. Alas for us, our dreams came true.

Shut up sergeant. You're a free troll. That's an order Sam Vimes

Reality is not digital, an on-off state, but analog. Something gradual . In other words, reality is a quality that things possess in the same way that they possess, say, weight. Some people are more real than others, for example. It has been estimated that there are only about five hundred real people on any given planet, which is why they keep unexpectedly running into one another all the time.

You know zat another term for an iconographer would be 'photographer'? From the old word 'photus' in Latation, vhich means—" "'To prance around like an idiot ordering everyone about as if you owned the place,'" said William. "Ah, you know it!

Oh, there's plenty of reasons. I just don't know which one.

Think critically about what you are told. Do not accept the word of authority unthinkingly. Science is not a belief system: no belief system instructs you to question the system itself. Science does. (There are many scientists, however, who treat it as a belief system. Be wary of them.)

I like the idea of democracy. You have to have someone everyone distrusts, said Brutha. That way, everyone's happy.

It is in the nature of the universe that the person who always keeps you waiting ten minutes will, on the day you are ten minutes tardy, have been ready ten minutes early and will make a point of not mentioning this.

Nothing-to-see is what most of the universe consists of.

In life, as in breakfast cereal, it is always best to read the instructions on the box.

A month went by quickly. It didn't want to hang around.

Insofar as he'd formed any opinion of her, it was that she suffered from misplaced gentility and the mistaken belief that etiquette meant good breeding. She mistook mannerisms for manners.

Stories are a parasitical life form, warping lives in the service only of the story itself.

The small alien walked past the car. "CO2 level up 0.5 percent," it rasped, giving him a meaningful look. "You do know you could find yourself charged with being a dominant species while under the influence of impulse-driven consumerism, don't you?

The past needs to be remembered. If you do not know where you come from, then you don't know where you are, and if you don't know where you are, then you don't know where you're going.

And a woman by herself is missing a man, while a man by himself is his own master. Trousers. That's the secret. Trousers and a pair of socks. I never dreamed it was like this. Put on trousers and the world changes. We walk different. We act different. I see these girls and I think: Idiot's Get yourself some trousers!

rational thoughts made out of insane components.

Bringing about Armageddon can be dangerous. Do not attempt it in your own home.

Rincewind gave his fingers a long shocked stare, as one might regard a gun that has been hanging on the wall for decades and has suddenly gone off and perforated the cat.

No one actually saw it land, which raised the interesting philosophical point: When millions of tons of angry elephant come spinning through the sky, but there is no one to hear it, does it - philosophically speaking - make a noise?