Quotes from Arthur C. Brooks

It's a gift to exist, and with existence comes suffering," replied Colbert. "I don't want it to have happened . . . but if you are grateful for your life . . . then you have to be grateful for all of it. You can't pick and choose what you're grateful for.

Further, we have a tendency to assume that traumatic events, from accidents to illnesses to all kinds of personal loss, can only provoke pain and lingering problems, especially if we talk about them with others. However, this isn't generally the case.

Neuroscientists tell us why.[13] Dopamine—the neurotransmitter of pleasure behind nearly all addictive behaviors—is excreted in response to thoughts about buying new things, winning money, acquiring more power or notoriety, or, for that matter, having new sex partners.

The key, as Colbert and Frankl suggest, is finding meaning in the suffering and sharing that meaning. I

Thus, psychologist Carl Jung noted, "what is a normal goal to a young person becomes a neurotic hindrance in old age.

You need strong human connections to help you get on the second curve and flourish.

believed three things about older age. First, that it should be dedicated to service, not goofing off. Second, our greatest gift later in life is wisdom, in which learning and thought create a worldview that can enrich others. Third, our natural ability at this point is counsel: mentoring, advising, and teaching others, in a way that does not amass worldly rewards of money, power, or prestige.

No matter how introverted you are, you cannot expect to thrive into old age without healthy, intimate relationships.

Only to be mindful, therefore, is to be truly alive.

Marriage and family are not an adequate substitute for close friendships, which should not be left up to chance.

For married people, a loving, companionate spousal relationship is key to thriving.

Work friendships are not a substitute for real friendships, although they can also be satisfying, if designed purposively.

Nothing is about honest disagreement; it is all about your interlocutor's lack of basic human decency.

Households headed by a "conservative" give, on average, 30 percent more dollars to charity than households headed by a "liberal.

But how do you get started when you've lost your skills? Is a sixty-five-year-old businessman just supposed to call another guy and suggest a playdate? Ridiculous! Actually . . . maybe not so ridiculous.

Rule 3. Say no to contempt. Treat others with love and respect, even when it's difficult.

I must come back to a point I have made repeatedly: never treat others with contempt, even if you believe they deserve it.

Carlos's question made me reflect on the fact that, like a lot of hardworking, ambitious people, I had lots and lots of "deal friends" but not too many real friends, and I was pretty lonely as a result. I vowed to cultivate my few real friendships much more.

He opened up a new world in music," said French Romantic master Hector Berlioz, who idolized the deaf composer. "Beethoven is not human."[23]

Rule 4. Disagree better. Be part of a healthy competition of ideas.

For example, when asked in 2009 what "being old" means, the most popular response among Americans was "turning eighty-five."[2] In other words, the average American (who lives to seventy-nine) dies six years before entering old age.

We all want a safer, fairer, more prosperous country. We just disagree on how to achieve that aim. We need a passionate competition of ideas so that each side refines its solutions, becomes more innovative, and therefore the best ideas rise to the top. Shutting down the competition of ideas makes it harder to achieve our common moral goals.

Economists consistently find that our marginal productivity tanks with work hours beyond eight or ten per day.

Joy! A spark of fire from heaven . . . Drunk with fire we dare to enter, Holy One, inside your shrine.