Quotes from Lewis Grizzard

I write 200 columns a year, you know. That means I have to have 200 opinions a year. Sometimes, I don't give a damn one way or the other, but that's my job, so I got to take a side.

It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.

You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, 'What's in it for me?'

I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.

I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.

The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

Naked means you don't have on clothes. Necked means you don't have on clothes and are up to something.

I think people are a lot more sensitive than they used to be, and quite rightly so. I don't think we should be using racial jokes and things like that.

I wish one time in my life I could do what other writers do... get me a villa in Spain and go there to write a book.

I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.

God bless Merle Haggard. He did all the things that Johnny Cash was supposed to have done.

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.