Quotes from Michael McIntyre

Making the 'Big Show' has been the most fun I've had on telly.

I don't want a chat show or to be on telly every day, as that's not my business; my business is standing in front of people and making them laugh, and I want to see how far I can get with that.

I've been performing stand-up comedy for ten years, it's what I love and will always do.

Comedy provides an escape from the horrors of real life.

I don't just like to use punchlines anymore, especially in arenas. They freak me out. There is nothing worse than 15,000 people waiting for a punchline.

I usually do quite well with presents, but the problem with Christmas is it's such a big build-up and such a big day that if someone tests you the year after, you've got no idea what you got.

It's such a lie that women go for funny men.

I just find little things in life funny, it's why I giggle during my shows.

I'm glad Carol Vorderman has left 'Countdown;' I mean, it's not like she did much. She was effectively just an autistic shelf-stacker.

I had some terrible times - comparatively speaking. I saddled myself with a load of debt, I wasn't liked by a lot of my fellow comics and I used to blame other people for me not getting a break. But now I realise I just wasn't very good. And as soon as I became good, things took off pretty quickly.

I was trying to do one-liners and it took me years to realise I just had to be myself. My fear was if I was myself and no one found it funny, I'd have nowhere left to go.

You have to be realistic. Not everyone is going to like you, so you have to focus on the ones who do.

I think actually performing on stage when everyone's facing you and you're one person facing them, that is quite a lonely thing in a strange way. You have to be quite insular from everybody else, you've got thousands of people staring at you and you're just on your own.

I'm thrilled at the continued success of the 'Big Show.'

If I'm honest, I think everything is funny. You've just got to find the right way in. When I'm at my happiest and when I'm really on it, when I feel like I'm really on good form at the moment, everything can be funny.

If you can help it, don't be rude to people. When you're rude about someone and the audience laugh you can't deny that it's a bullying laugh.

I sometimes reflect on my own life on stage and no one laughs, but you have to have faith in it and hope that people will laugh.

My life is spent in hotels, which tend to be quite disappointing if you're in them every night.

Sometimes I worry about things changing and people not liking me any more. As a comedian you do feel like you're walking on a knife edge.

I always knew I was quite good at getting laughs. At school, I loved having a ready audience if I made a cheeky remark.

Normally you have news, weather and travel.....but not on snow day, on snow day news is weather is travel.

I like the stage lights to be bright so I can't see people because I will inevitably only see the ones who aren't laughing.

It's a weird one: nobody notices when a brilliant comedian is fat or has sweat marks under their arms. Peter Kay isn't in the best shape and neither is Ricky Gervais, and it doesn't matter. Still, I like to feel like I'm transforming into something quite cool when I go on stage.

I thought I was going to do some cult, cool, late-night interviewing thing on BBC2. But everyone kept saying: 'No, Michael, you're teatime, you're not cool.'