Quotes from Mark Twain

Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre but they are more deadly in the long run.

Some men worship rank, some worship heroes, some worship power, some worship God, and over these ideals they dispute, but they all worship money.

Some people get an eduction without going to college the rest get it after they get out.

Somewhere between the Angels and the French lies the rest of humanity.

Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day than on all other days of the year put together. This proves, by the numbers left in stock, that one Fourth of July per year is now inadequate, the country has grown so.

The best cure for Christianity is reading the Bible.

The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer someone else up.

The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to other creatures but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot.

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.

The miracle, or the power, that elevates the few is to be found in their industry, application, and perseverance under the prompting of a brave, determined spirit.

The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are wrong. Nearly anybody will side with you when you are right.

The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them.

The trouble isn't that there are too many fools, but that the lightning isn't distributed right.

The universal brotherhood of man is our most precious possession.

The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.

There are some books that refuse to be written. They stand their ground year after year and will not be persuaded. It isn't because the book is not there and worth being written -- it is only because the right form of the story does not present itself. There is only one right form for a story and if you fail to find that form the story will not tell itself.

There are times when one would like to end the whole human race, and finish the farce.

There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race and finish the farce.

There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate when he can't afford it, and when he can. - from Following the Equator

There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.

There is nothing so annoying as to have two people talking when you're busy interrupting.

There is nothing training cannot do. Nothing is above its reach. It can turn bad morals to good; it can destroy bad principles and recreate good ones; it can lift men to angelship.