Quotes from Mark Twain

It's easy to make friends, but hard to get rid of them.

Civilization is a limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessaries.

Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream.

Honesty: The best of all the lost arts.

In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.

There is no such thing as a new idea. It is impossible. We simply take a lot of old ideas and put them into a sort of mental kaleidoscope. We give them a turn and they make new and curious combinations. We keep on turning and making new combinations indefinitely; but they are the same old pieces of colored glass that have been in use through all the ages.

great people are those who make others feel that they, too, can become great.

It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.

I couldn't bear to think about it; and yet, somehow, I couldn't think about nothing else.

It usually takes me two or three days to prepare an impromptu speech.

The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in heaven.

I do not wish any reward but to know I have done the right thing.

Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand.

Just the omission of Jane Austen's books alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn't a book in it.

There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist, except an old optimist.

A big leather-bound volume makes an ideal razorstrap. A thing book is useful to stick under a table with a broken caster to steady it. A large, flat atlas can be used to cover a window with a broken pane. And a thick, old-fashioned heavy book with a clasp is the finest thing in the world to throw at a noisy cat.

Drag your thoughts away from your troubles... by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.

I know the look of an apple that is roasting and sizzling on the hearth on a winter's evening, and I know the comfort that comes of eating it hot, along with some sugar and a drench of cream... I know how the nuts taken in conjunction with winter apples, cider, and doughnuts, make old people's tales and old jokes sound fresh and crisp and enchanting.

I wish I could make him understand that a loving good heart is riches enough, and that without it intellect is poverty.

If you tell the truth you do not need a good memory!

for business reasons, I must preserve the outward signs of sanity.

The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the conservative adopt.

Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any.

To do good is noble. To tell others to do good is even nobler and much less trouble.