Quotes from Art Buchwald

Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got.

We seem to be going through a period of nostalgia, and everyone seems to think yesterday was better than today. I don't think it was, and I would advise you not to wait ten years before admitting today was great. If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time.

If President Nixon's secretary, Rosemary Woods, had been Moses' secretary, there would only be eight commandments.

His column explaining Thanksgiving to the French when he wrote for the Paris edition of the Herald Tribune there. --bb

Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, 'I am not a crook.' Jimmy Carter says, 'I have lusted after women in my heart.' President Reagan says, 'I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope.'

People who live in glass houses have to wash their windows all the time.

Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got.

If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time.

So far things are going my way. I am known in the hospice as The Man Who Wouldn't Die. I don't know if this is true or not, but I think some people, not many, are starting to wonder why I'm still around.

This is a wonderful way to celebrate an 80th birthday... I wanted to be 65 again, but they wouldn't let me - Homeland Security.

I don't know whether this is the best of times or the worst of times, but I assure you it's the only time you've got. You can either sit on your expletive deleted or pick a daisy.

Every time you think television has hit its lowest ebb, a new program comes along to make you wonder where you thought the ebb was.

Whether it is the best of times or the worst of times, it is the only time we have.

We seem to be going through a period of nostalgia, and everyone seems to think yesterday was better than today. I don't think it was, and I would advise you not to wait ten years before admitting today was great. If you're hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time.

I have no idea where I'm going but here's the real question: What am I doing here in the first place?

Dinner is not what you do in the evening before something else. Dinner is the evening.

Whether it is the best of times or the worst of times, it is the only time we've got.

the best things in life aren't things

Americans are just beginning to regard food the way the French always have. Dinner is not what you do in the evening before something else. Dinner is the evening.

Dying is easy; parking is impossible.

But a funny thing happens to you in a depression. If you don't hurt yourself, you can gain tremendous insights and empathy, find inner strengths and hidden talents. It's a mysterious process, but if you can hold on, you become a wiser person.

If a child is lucky, there will always be one Mrs. Egorkin who'll play a pivotal role in his or her life.

I've found it's harder for the family of the patient to accept what's happening. In most cases—not all—the dying person has accepted his fate.

The irony of our culture is that people are constantly telling other people to go to hell, but no one tells them to go to heaven.