Quotes from Elayne Boosler

Why isn't the movie industry forced to open its shooting locations to an organization that is there to advocate for animal actors? The industry isn't allowed to pick and choose which movies using young children it will or won't allow to be monitored. The vulnerable should be protected.

I run everywhere and eavesdrop. It's the best way to see a city.

Here is what is needed for Occupy Wall Street to become a force for change: a clear, and clearly expressed, objective. Or two.

Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers?

My mother always said you could eat off her floor; you could eat of my floor too, there's so much food down there.

My fashion philosophy is, if you're not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.

Citizens are all equal in politics: we each have one vote.

I deliver very traditionally, and people aren't threatened. I think if I cursed or seemed wilder, I couldn't get away with the amount of very opinionated politics I get away with.

San Francisco is really fun and liberal, and it's my kind of politics. It's like being Jewish in front of Jewish people.

As for being a voice in politics, I feel whether you are famous or not, busy or not, it's incumbent upon every citizen to participate in this government in any way we can.

The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.

I am thankful that all the people in the world who absolutely, positively, know what God wants, usually kill mostly each other.

I am thankful I was born in America, although if I gain any more weight the burqa thing may start to seem like a good idea to me. See? Another plus about America, you can always find some food.

The message of great art is to disturb.

Stand-up is like a movie every night. You write it, direct it, produce it, the audience votes, and you go home. There's nothing more satisfying.

People are giving birth underwater now. They say it's less traumatic for the baby because it's under water. But it's certainly more traumatic for the other people in the pool.

Laundry's easier when you live alone. Fifteen minutes before a date, put 'em on, dry 'em with a hair blower.

I guess in general, people tend to not eat the cute animals.

My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times men would not stop to ask directions.

I pray if I ever find out I have only about three minutes to live it's during a basketball game, because then I'll have, what, 10, 12 years to live?

When I was growing up in comedy, there were maybe 10 comics in the whole country. Everyone had a day job. You worked free for years in little clubs, then you got your big break and became a star.

You know, if you need 100 rounds to kill a deer, maybe hunting isn't your sport.

A study last year showed that the page you turn to first in the newspaper can be a predictor of how long you will live. No surprise, turning first to the Comics Pages prolongs your life.

I am thankful that geniuses and artists and good people, no matter how hard it is, will eventually be recognized. I am doubly thankful that also goes for idiots.