Quotes from Jeff Kinney

Seriously, though, in this day and age I don't know why we're still cutting open frogs to see what's inside them. If somebody tells me there's a heart and intestines inside a grog, I'm willing to take their word for it.

That made Dad pretty mad, so he said "NO SON OF MINE IS A QUITTER!" Which isn't really true at all. I'm a HUGE quitter, and so is Rodrick. And I think Manny is on his third of fourth preschool by now.

Merit badges are these little patches you get for learning how to do all sorts of manly stuff.

But do I have "low intelligence"?

See, that's the problem with putting too much stock in the old days. You remember all the GOOD stuff, but you forget about the time you got spanked by your best friend's mom.

must've stepped in dog poop when I walked in the grass. And I knew EXACTLY where it happened, too. SQUISH I took my shoe off and went to the front of the room to tell Mrs. Pope about my situation. But I think Mrs. Pope thought I was trying to skip out on the pop quiz, because she gave me

Manny has it made in church

This morning he told everyone that he's a "big boy" and he's giving up his pacifier for good. Then he threw his favorite binkie in the trash. Clap clap Clap clap Well, that New Year's resolution didn't even last a full minute. suck suck suck The only person in my family who didn't come up with a resolution is my older brother, Rodrick, and that's a pity because his list should be about a mile and a half long.

i'm just glad i'm not in the swim team this summer

the brain is like a muscle, and if you don't exercise it by reading and doing creative stuff, it'll get weak and mushy.

swing attached to a big tree that went out over th

I probably should've thought about talking to Uncle Gary a lot earlier. He's been married something like four times already, so he's an EXPERT on relationships.

It's our choices that make us who we are.

I know I need to eat healthier, but if you take fast food out of my diet I'm in big trouble, because I'm probably something like 95% chicken nugget.

with their mouth open they'll eat an average of five spiders a night, which is kind of believable if you think about it. Another time Rodrick told me that it's dangerous to wake someone up when they're sleepwalking. I thought there could be a chance he was actually telling the truth, because I'm pretty sure I heard that one somewhere else. ZZZZZ

During the winter, me and Rowley stored up some snowballs in my freezer so we could have a snowball fight when the weather got warm.

I know Mom's always saying friends come and go and family is forever, and maybe that's true. But your family isn't gonna be there when Meckley Mingo chases with his belt on your way home you from school.

Every once in a while, I think about exercising and getting really buff. But in the future, I'll bet everyone will just be able to take a pill and get fit without having to exercise, anyway. Being in great shape will be NORMAL, and all the people who AREN'T fit will be the ones everyone's attracted to. So if I just stick with my current exercise plan, I'll be all set.

it turns the shower scene was a lot harder to film than i expected

And at least 95% of it was was totally outdated.

hopefully Mr. Blakely won't be too mad when he sees his

Zoo wee mama

The man looks outside. The house is totally surrounded by night crawlers.

If there's one thing I learned from Rodrick, it's to set people's expectations real low so you end up surprising them by practically doing nothing at all¨