Quotes from Kin Hubbard

Th' safest way t' double your money is t' fold it over once an' put it back in your pocket.

Boys will be boys — and so will a lot of middle-aged men.

No woman can be handsome by the force of features alone, any more that she can be witty by only the help of speech.

I don't know of anything better than a woman if you want to spend money where it will show.

Women seem to be all right on bargains till it comes to picking out a husband.

When you consider what a chance women have to poison their husbands, it's a wonder there isn't more of it done

The rich man and his daughter are soon parted.

Why doesn't th' feller who sayz 'I'm no speechmaker,' let it go at that instead o' givin' a demonstration?

A chap ort t' save a few o' th' long evenings he spends with his girl till after they're married.

Some people are so sensitive that they feel snubbed if an epidemic overlooks 'em.

Some fellows get credit for being conservative when they are only stupid.

When some fellers decide to retire nobody knows the difference.

If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on a vacation.

There's no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn't tell you about it??

If there's any literary ability in a feller, getting fired out of a good government job will bring it out.

Don't say yes until I've finished talking. - Attributed to many Hollywood executives Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.

Beauty is . . . a valuable asset if you're poor or haven't any sense.

Only one fellow in ten thousand understands the currency question, and we meet him every day.

Washing your car and polishing it all up is a never failing sign of rain.

A bee is never as busy as it seems; it's just that it can't buzz any slower.

Some folks can look so busy doing ' that they seem indispensable

If at first you do succeed don't take any more chances.

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.

My idea of walking into the jaws of death is marrying some woman who has lost three husbands.