Quotes from David Sedaris

I don't think my life is more interesting than anybody else's.

I can't promise I'll never kill anyone again," he once said, strapping a refrigerator to his back. "It's unrealistic to live your life within such strict parameters

I spend so much time like living in the past or the future. I mean, I think most people do, really. And the moments when you're really present in your life can be pretty rare, really.

I've always had a way with the little people, making it a point to humor them without looking down my nose at their wasted empty lives.

He looked as though his life had not only passed him by but paused along the way to spit in his face.

I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it's satire or melodrama and that makes me feel like the writing is aware of itself, and that makes it OK to cry.

Given enough time, I guess anything can look good. All it has to do is survive.

I've wasted a lot of time pretending to be interested in people who weren't terribly interesting.

I like listening to books as well, as that way you can iron at the same time.

The difference between the first time I read something and the tenth time I read something is generally pretty profound. Even if the script is the same, just the way that I read it is different.

Remember that the most important thing is to try and love other people as much as they love you.

The humor section is the last place an author wants to be. They put your stuff next to collections of Cathy cartoons.

To say that a humorist exaggerates to get big laughs, I don't see how that's big news.

I love getting attention, just like a child loves it, and it's never worn off. So when people say, oh the book signings go on, why would I shoo away someone who's giving me attention? What part of standing in line for 10 hours to say how much they love you is bad to you?

Sometimes I say to myself, 'Oh, I wish I could win a Tony Award', although I'm not that bothered.

Some friendships are formed by a commonality of interests and ideas: you both love judo or camping or making your own sausage. Other friendships are forged in alliance against a common enemy.

Most people would have found it grotesque, but when you're in love nothing is so abstract or horrible that it can't be thought of as cute.

I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, 'I need a letter opener. I guess I'll have to kill a deer.

We can't profess love without talking through hand puppets.

But I'm a humorist. I'm not a reporter, I never pretended to be a reporter.

Do I exaggerate? Boy, do I, and I'd do it more if I could get away with it.

I always knew I wanted it to be illustrated.

I like nonfiction books about people with wretched lives.

I've been keeping a diary for thirty-three years and write in it every morning. Most of it's just whining, but every so often there'll be something I can use later: a joke, a description, a quote. It's an invaluable aid when it comes to winning arguments. 'That's not what you said on February 3, 1996,' I'll say to someone.