Quotes from Charlie Kaufman

Starbucks is the smart coffee for dumb people. It's the Christopher Nolan of coffee.

If I read something somebody wrote 300 years ago, and it's me, what I'm going through now in my head, it sends chills down my spine, and I feel like that's what I want to be able to offer — that if I offer myself, there's a chance somebody else will feel connected.

The end is built into the beginning.

There are rumors of rats down here as big as German shepherds, the people not the dogs.

Why didn't I go in? I'm such a chicken. I'm such an idiot. I should have kissed her. I've blown it. I should just go and knock on her door and just kiss her. It would be romantic. It would be something we could someday tell our kids. I'm gonna do that right now. [drives away]

as the world forgets you; as you recognize your transience; as you begin to lose your characteristics one by one; as you learn there is no-one watching you, and there never was, you think only about driving - not coming from any place; not arriving any place. Just driving, counting off time. Now you are here, at 7:43. Now you are here, at 7:44. Now you are... Gone.

Sometimes I feel my thoughts are not my own, that I am thinking wrong things, stupid things, ridiculous things, for the amusement of an unseen audience.

picture her naked but with the clown makeup on, and instantly I realize a new fetish has been born. My synaptic train has a new stop: Clowntown.

My leg hurts, I wonder if it's cancer? There's a bump. I'm starting to sweat. Stop sweating. I've got to stop sweating. Can she see it dripping down my forehead? She looked at my hair line. She thinks I'm bald.

I loved you on this day. I love this memory. [(2004), Dir. Michel Gondry]

I am the proud owner of a gaping hole in my soul.

Compare this to any mess written by Charlie Kaufman.

There is truth and there are lies, and art always tells the truth, even when it's lying.

The only moment that we exist is the moment we inhabit.

Would that I could be a gay man. I would like myself better. But I am the most heterosexual of all my many acquaintances.

The jokes. The jokes. The fucking endless jokes.

Nothing does anything for me anymore.

I guess the truth is I crave humiliation. What is ironic or at least curious is that in my actual life, humiliation is the thing I most fear and I most experience. Yet I am not happy. Why?

consciousness is a terrible curse. I think. I feel. I suffer.

A stab wound less than three millimeters deep is legal and even encouraged. We cannot help you unless a crime has been committed. Fourteen millimeters or more.

Boredom is the domain of the dullard.

I don't believe in rules. I think that there are probably always exceptions to everything

My ideas are laughable. I am a pompous clown. I can, on occasion, become aware of this. There are moments of clarity that I find all the more humiliating because I can see myself as others likely do, but I cannot control any of it.

My poor Chick-fil-A Sandwich," she says and hugs me.