Quotes from Will Cuppy

All modern men are descended from wormlike creatures, but it shows more on some people.

There are 2,500 kinds of sponges, all of them consist largely of holes.

Armadillos make affectionate pets, if you need affection that much.

Whales are silly once every two years. The young are called short-heads or baby blimps. Many whale romances begin in Baffin's bay and end in Procter and Gamble's factory, Staten Island.

Etiquette, or dog in the original Coptic, means behaving yourself a little better than is absolutely essential.

Unfortunately, this world is full of people who are ready to think the worst when they see a man sneaking out of the wrong bedroom in the middle of the night.

Infant wart hogs resemble both sides of the family.

The average sparrow is something of a bore and the trouble is that all sparrows are average.

If an animal does something, we call it instinct. If we do the same thing for the same reason, we call it intelligence.

You can't do much for the poor, as they are not in with the right people.

The Pike is the meanest and most vicious of fresh-water fishes. This is caused by heredity and environment, or unfortunate social conditions in the water.

The call of the yellow-billed cuckoo of North America is often mistaken for a bloodhound drinking a bowl of milk. He goes coulp coulp coulp.

Whenever a kangaroo puts his paws on your shoulder and gives you a big grin, that is the time to leave.

Ah, well! We live and learn, or, anyway, we live.

As llamas have never heard of oxygen, they do not miss it.

It is really surprising what may be done in the home with a small can of paint, if you aren't careful.

The pre-frontal region of the Peking man resembles that found in some parts of the Middle West.

Pike spawn in February, March, and April because they cannot wait until May.

The Bayeaux Tapestry is accepted as an authority on many details of life and fhe fine points of history in the eleventh century. For instance, the horses in those days had green legs, blue bodies, yellow manes, and red heads, while the people were all double-jointed and quite different from what we generally think of as human beings

Either you like Henry VIII or you don't. He has been much criticized for beheading two of his wives. In a way, he has only himself to blame. Any man who beheads fwo of his wives musf expect a little talk. He shouldn't have done it, but you know how those things are. As a matter of fact, Henry merely let the law take its course, but some people feel that a really thoughtful husband would have done something about it

Let's not be too quick to blame the human race for everything. A great many species of animals became extinct before man ever appeared on earth.

Humor springs from rage, hay fever, overdue rent and miscellaneous hell.

Aristotle was famous for knowing everything. He taught that the brain exists merely to cool the blood and is not involved in the process of thinking. This is true only of certain persons.

The Ancient Egyptians considered it good luck to meet a swarm of Bees on the road. What they considered bad luck I couldn't say.