Quotes from Jane Wagner

I personally think we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain.

To think, we have the garment industry instead of nature to thank for the zipper concept when it would have come in so handy for childbirth.

Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you can change a person's life. For better or worse. God puts us all in each other's lives to impact one another in some way.

One thing I have no worry about is whether God exists. But it has occurred to me that God has Alzheimer's and has forgotten we exist.

Like what's the point being a health nut by day if you're a coke head at night.

I worry that humanity has been "advanced" to its present level of incompetency because evolution works on the Peter Principle.

Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself.

I personally think we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain.

What is reality anyway! It's nothing but a collective hunch.

When we talk to God, we're praying. When God talks to us, we're schizophrenic.

See, the human mind is kind of like... a pi

I have gained and lost the same ten pounds so many times over and over again my cellulite must have déjà vu.

A sobering thought what if, at this very moment, I am

All my life I wanted to be someone I guess I should have been more specific.

I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

Our ability to delude ourselves may be an important survival tool.

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win you're still a rat.

What is reality, anyway Just a collective hunch.

When we talk to God, we're praying. When God talks to us, we're schizophrenic.

Unless you are at a picnic, life is no picnic.

Childhood comes at a time in your life when you are too young to understand what you are going through. And you're too young to understand that you are too young to understand.

At the moment you are most in awe of all there is about life that you don't understand, you are closer to understanding it all than at any other time.

I bet the worst part about dying is the part where your whole life passes before you.

... it's hard to be politically conscious and upwardly mobile at the same time.