Quotes from Earl Wilson

He was so honest you could play craps with him over the phone.

A woman may race to get a man a gift but it always ends in a tie.

Money in the bank is like toothpaste in the tube. Easy to take out, hard to put back.

The fastest way for a politician to become an elder statesman is to lose an election.

Somebody figured it out- we have 35 million laws trying to enforce Ten Commandments.

Nothing is as embarrassing as watching your boss do something you assured him couldn't be done.

Poise: the ability to be ill at ease inconspicuously.

Always remember, money isn't everything - but also remember to make a lot of it before talking such fool nonsense.

One way to get high blood pressure is to go mountain climbing over molehills.

Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break.

Mathematics-a wonderful science, but it hasn't yet come up with a way to divide one tricycle between three small boys.

Ever notice that the whisper of temptation can be heard farther than the loudest call to duty.

The fastest way for a politician to become an elder statesman is to lose an election.

For the parents of a Little Leaguer, a baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown into innings

You can say this for ready-mixes - the next generation isn't going to have any trouble making pies exactly like mother used to make.

Nothing is as embarrassing as watching your boss do something you assured him couldn't be done.

Benjamin Franklin may have discovered electricity, but it was the man who invented the meter who made the money.

Gossip, n.: Hearing something you like about someone you don't.

Today, there are three kinds of people: the have's, the have-not's, and the have-not-paid-for-what-they-have's.

Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break.

A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.

You may not be able to read a doctor's handwriting and prescription, but you'll notice his bills are neatly typewritten.

Isn't it a shame that future generations can't be here to see all the wonderful things we're doing with their money?

Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.