Quotes from George Lopez

Two wrongs do not make a right; but three rights make a left.

We are now the proud owners of a white boy. Now we have to shop in the caucasian isle and get sunscreen, mayonaise and mild salsa because the other ones really hawt!

Eh, Whappaaaa!

No Angie, it's instant. Like when someone trips in the cafeteria and you're laughing so hard milk comes out of your nose, the guy next to you is laughing so hard he accidentally farts. BOOM! Friends for life!

if you make waffles, throw out the first one.

Memories, priceless. Well not really priceless, but there you go!

If the worst thing that can happen is that nobody laughs, then I can deal with that, because the worst thing that can happen at the factory is that I could lose a limb or be crushed by a huge machine.

David Letterman is the best late-night talk show host right now, hands down, and has been since he first took the desk.

One time, I was so hungry, I ate the beans in a bean bag chair.

When I look at the Gospel, I see how it is speaking to me at this time. I see how to be to others and it helps.

I spend a lot of time alone and my wife understands that I need to be alone. I enjoy being alone. But I'm never lonely.

It's an honor to walk in the footsteps of a legend. As host I intend to honor the tradition of The Bob Hope Classic and have a great time blazing a new path.

It's not even about black and white anymore, because so many people are from mixed backgrounds and mixed ethnicities, and it's just a great time to be able to pull all that together.

If laughter is the best medicine, I promise to continue to make you laugh as my wife and I work together with the National Kidney Foundation to save lives.

Freddie Prinze was my idol, and he died, and there is not much of his stuff to look at. But now, your comedy can live on forever.

I never realized I could love people as much as I do now.

So I started to relax and would work on my act eight hours a day, sitting at a desk writing at my grandmother's house, and I would put on Richard Pryor Live on Long Beach and would play it like a loop and think and write.

The jewelry stores say, 'Tell your wife you love her with a diamond,' while wives tell you they love you with, 'Ok, but just because it's Valentine's Day.'

I'd love to have Michael Jackson [in my show] because he's black and white. So he would appeal to a universal demographic.

I've spent days in cinemas answering questions from the audience, in interviews, travelling abroad, and all they do is thank me nicely.

If this country wants to elect someone with no political experience who is racially insensitive and golfs... In my first 100 days, I will make Taco Tuesday the law.

Obama is the closest thing to a Latino that we have. Barack. Everybody wants to see his birth certificate too.

An animal has to suffer for us old-school Latinos to get what we want.

Chicanos never say congratulations when people do well. "I got a job over at the hospital." "'S about time." Do we say good luck? No, we say, "Don't fuck it up like last time." Or, "So now you think you're all bad, or what?" Go to the Hallmark store and look for that card. "Do you have a Now-You-Think-You're-All-Bad card?"