Quotes from Wilson Mizner

The cuckoo who is on to himself is halfway out of the clock.

In the battle of existence, Talent is the punch; Tact is the clever footwork.

I've known countless people who were reservoirs of learning, yet never had a thought.

Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up.

There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.

The gent who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn't been asleep.

Popularity is exhausting. The life of the party almost always winds up in a corner with an overcoat over him.

I've had ample contact with lawyers, and I'm convinced that the only fortune they ever leave is their own.

I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education.

I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education.

The difference between chirping out of turn and a faux pas depends on what kind of a bar you're in.

Do not be desirous of having things done quickly. Do not look at small advantages. Desire to have things done quickly prevents their being done thoroughly. Looking at small advantages prevents great affairs from being accomplished.

The amount of sleep required by the average person is five minutes more.

I know of no sentence that can induce such immediate and brazen lying as the one that begins, 'Have you read - .'

It is not in life, but in art that self-fulfillment is to be found.

I hate careless flattery, the kind that exhausts you in your efforts to believe it.

Over in Hollywood they almost made a great picture, but they caught it in time.

Hollywood is a sewer with service from the Ritz Carlton.

Life's a tough proposition, and the first hundred years are the hardest.

Some of the greatest love affairs I've known have involved one actor-unassisted.

All anger is not sinful, because some degree of it, and on some occasions, is inevitable. But it becomes sinful and contradicts the rule of Scripture when it is conceived upon slight and inadequate provocation, and when it continues long.

I can usually judge a fellow by what he laughs at.

Be nice to people on your way up because you'll meet them on your way down.

Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave.