Quotes from Wilson Mizner

To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady.

A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions.

Most hard-boiled people are half-baked.

A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he knows something.

I've had several years in Hollywood and I still think the movie heroes are in the audience.

You sparkle with larceny.

I've spent several years in Hollywood, and I still think the movie heroes are in the audience.

I had never considered marriage, but I had an open mind, and I was to learn after a brief try at it that most open minds should be closed for repairs.

I hate careless flattery — the kind that exhausts you in your effort to believe it.

The only time that most women give their orating husbands undivided attention is when the old boys mumble in their sleep.

I'd rather know a square guy than own a square mile.

A slave has but one master. An ambition man, has as many as there are people who helped him get his fortune.

Women can instantly see through each other, and it's surprising how little they observe that's pleasant.

Be kind to everyone on the way up; you'll meet the same people on the way down.

Failure has gone to his head.

"A gent who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn't been asleep."

The worst-tempered people I've ever met were people who knew they were wrong.

The first hundred years are the hardest.

To profit from good advice requires more wisdom than to give it.

The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.

Faith is a wonderful thing, but doubt gets you an education.

The day which we fear as our last is but the bday of eternity. - By SenecaThe first hundred years are the hardest.

The most efficient water power in the world - women's tears.