Quotes from Tim Allen

But separate a man from his car - that's inhuman.

My stepfather stepped in where no man would've stepped in - six kids, five of them boys - and that's heroic.

I wonder if to stare into the face of God will drive me crazy. (I wonder who would blink first.)

For years, I just did not like this idea of God, church.

I used to live an isolated existence, even in relationships, but now my family knows me for who I really am. Mostly, that's a good thing.

Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times.

In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.

Nothing's as easy as it is on a sitcom. Issues that we take care of in 20 minutes on the show can stretch out over years in real families.

Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they're going to respect Mom.

A guy knows he's in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.

It's true; I have a skill and it's... it has not related to acting, it's not related to auditions, it's not related to studios, not related to public whim. It's whether I'm funny or not and whether I can entertain people.

When somebody tells you they're not very smart, they're saying exactly the opposite.

In my experience, it's all wonderful with girls until about 16. Around that time, boys kind of calm down and start focusing their testosterone. Girls get a little challenging, especially for fathers.

You don't know what people are really like until they're under a lot of stress.

I'm a creative guy, artistically with graphics.

Before Kady was born, I didn't think having a kid would be such a big deal. My attitude was simple: Babies are nice, play with them, put them in the closet until the next time.

I have a thing for tools.

Real men don't use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer's opinion on how to put this together.

I love doing logos. I've been a graphic artist all my life.

While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.

I'm actually more of a cat guy than a dog person because I travel so much. I love cats.

I have to get a licence to drive a motorcycle to protect myself and the people around me. I am adamant there should be some sort of licensing required to have children.

I like Pixie Sticks. Yeah, screw the middle man. Just a tube of sugar... I'd pour two of those in a big 12 ounce coke. And I'd go out to catechism class and try to concentrate on the priest. I saw Jesus several times. I swear I did.