Quotes from Tim Allen

My dad's death reminds me of earthquakes - things that shake your foundation.

Dog's listen, or appear to listen. I think they hear blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah. They appear to be listening to you.

Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words large or size with rear end. Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.