Quotes from Anonymous

"So you want to become my son-in-law." "Not exactly. I just want to marry your daughter."

Keeping a secret from my wife is like trying to smuggle daylight past a rooster. Annoyed wife to husband: Can't you just say we've been married twenty-four years instead of "almost a quarter of a century"?

I remember when I got married. I remember where I got married. But for the life of me, I can't remember why I got married.

To cure sometimes, to relieve often, to comfort always.

If a man can remember what he worried about last week, he has a very good memory.

There is nothing wrong with making mistakes. Just don't respond with encores.

If cold December gave you birth, The month of snow and ice and mirth, Place on your hand a turquoise blue, Success will bless what'er you do.

Thirty days hath September, April, June, and November; All the rest have thirty-one Excepting February alone: Which hath but twenty-eight, in fine, Till leap year gives it twenty-nine.

Even moderation ought not to be practised to excess.

With each sunrise, we start anew.

This is the beginning of a new day. God has given me this day to use as I will. I can waste it or use it for good, but what I do today is important, because I am exchanging a day of my life for it! When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever, leaving in its place something that I have traded for it. I want it to be gain, and not loss; good, and not evil; success, and not failure; in order that I shall not regret the price I have paid for it.

With every rising of the sun, think of your life as just begun.

Definition of Father's Day: Same as Mother's Day but you don't spend as much.

My folks refused to have more than four children after reading that every fifth child born in the world is Chinese.

Every small boy wonders why his father didn't go into the ice cream business.

Dad named his first ulcer after me.

MOTHER TO TEENAGER ON SUNDAY MORNING: I believe I heard the clock strike one when you came in last night. teen: Well, I know how much you need your sleep, so it was going to strike ten but I stopped it at one chime.

I hope I look as good as my mother does when I reach the age she says she isn't.

Oboe - an ill woodwind that nobody blows good.

Harpists spend half their life tuning and the other half playing out of tune.

Necessity has no law.

By evil report and good report.

Night, when deep sleep falleth on men.

Persistence is the master virtue. Without it, there is no other.