Quotes from Bill Hicks

I used to drink, I did, I had to quit. Man, I was an embarrassing drunk. I'd get pulled over by the cops, I'd be so drunk I'd be out dancing to their lights thinking I'd made it to another club.

Man, the Beatles were so high, they let Ringo sing a coupla tunes. Tell me they weren't partyin'.

People in the United Kingdom and outside the United States share my bemusement with the United States that America doesn't share with itself.

When you're...stepping over a guy on the sidewalk...does it ever occur to you to think, 'Wow. Maybe our system doesn't work?'

Good comedy helps people know they're not alone. Great comedy provides an answer.

I get a kick out of being an outsider constantly. It allows me to be creative.

It has become more and more obvious that there is one political party in America, and that is The Business Party.

I wouldn't give Satan a snowball's chance in Hell against a woman's ego.

To me, Texas is Austin, a bunch of cool people trying to make a difference.

Sometimes my dad even gets on this kick--'You hate this country'....I have to tell him...I just hate being lied to.

I've had seven balls of light come off a UFO...explain to me telepathically we are all one and there's no such thing as death.

Sixteen years I've pounded my head against the mentality of America, which...I'd say it's about an 8th grade emotional level.

Any organization created out of fear must create fear to survive.

I'm an American who loves an America which doesn't exist, which is a land of freedom and free ideas.

What strikes me as funny about Elvis is that all the impersonators choose to do the Vegas Elvis; not the young, cool guy, always the bloated fool.

It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.

I don't identify with anyone historically, but there are several people in the future who I am a dead ringer for.

You ever noticed how people who believe in Creationism look really unevolved? You ever noticed that? Eyes real close together, eyebrow ridges, big furry hands and feet. "I believe God created me in one day" Yeah, looks like He rushed it.

I've learned a lot about women. I think I've learned exactly how the fall of man occured in the Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden, and Adam said one day, Wow, Eve, here we are, at one with nature, at one with God, we'll never age, we'll never die, and all our dreams come true the instant that we have them. And Eve said, Yeah... it's just not enough is it?

People ask me what I think about that woman priest thing. What, a woman priest? Women priests. Great, great. Now there's priests of both sexes I don't listen to.