Quotes from Harriet Lerner

Finding your voice in an unequal power arrangement—especially when the more powerful person is shaming you—takes a great amount of courage.

Ama eski modelde Sandra tüm gücünü Larry'i deÄŸiÅŸtirmeye yöneltmiÅŸ olduÄŸu için kendi ba??na hareket edip seçim yapma gücünü kullanam?yordu -ki bu da asl?nda, sahip olduÄŸumuz tek güçtür.

Our challenge as adults is to develop a strong voice that is uniquely our own, a voice that reflects our deepest values and convictions. Once we are comfortable within that voice, we can bring it to our most important relationships.

Daha önce de söylemiÅŸ olduÄŸum gibi, öfkelenmek yanl?? ya da doÄŸru hakl? ya da haks?z deÄŸildir. HissettiÄŸimiz her ÅŸeye hakk?m?z var.

You may feel like a coward when your anxiety pushes you to choose silence over speech, or restraint over action. Yet in many circumstances, silence and restraint are the wiser, more courageous choices.

Change is an anxiety-arousing business because whenever you make a change, you can't make only one. There is no guarantee where it will stop.

EÄŸer öfkemizi, giriÅŸtiÄŸimiz tüm önemli iliÅŸkilerde kendimizi aç?kça tan?mlamak için kullanmaz -ve duygular?m?zla olduklar? gibi baÅŸa ç?kmazsak- bu sorumluluÄŸu bizim yerimize üstlenecek baÅŸka birisi olmayacakt?r.

At the simplest level, "being a self" means we can be pretty much who we are in relationships rather than what others wish, need, and expect us to be. It also means we can allow others to do the same. It means we do not participate in relationships at the expense of the "I".

Just as physical pain tells us to get our hands out of the fire, our fear tells us—once we've been burned—to be cautious about fire the next time around. The fight-or-flight response that

Learning is finding. Finding is losing something else.

Our anger can be a powerful vehicle for personal growth and change if it does nothing more than help us recognize that we are not yet clear about something and that it is our job to keep struggling with it.

Those of us who are locked into ineffective expressions of anger suffer as deeply as those of us who dare not get angry at all.

Anger is a tool for change when it challenges us to become more of an expert on the self and less of an expert on others.

Anger is a signal, and one worth listening to.

The more we seek exclusivity in friendship, the more it becomes obligatory and the less likely it is to fulfill the wonderful vision of what true friendship can be.