Quotes from P.G. Wodehouse

The brains of members of the Press departments of motion-picture studios resemble soup at a cheap restaurant. It is wiser not to stir them.

Why do dachshunds wear their ears inside out?

This was not Aunt Dahlia, my good and kindly aunt, but my Aunt Agatha, the one who chews broken bottles and kills rats with her teeth.

The Duke of Dunstable had one-way pockets. He would walk ten miles in the snow to chisel an orphan out of tuppence.

Bicky rocked, like a jelly in a high wind.

There is no pathos more bitter than that of parting from someone we have never met.

Lord Emsworth belonged to the people-like-to-be-left-alone-to-amuse-themselves-when-they-come-to-a-place school of hosts

Every author really wants to have letters printed in the paper. Unable to make the grade, he drops down a rung of the ladder and writes novels.

...writing Jeeves stories gives me a great deal of pleasure and keeps me out of the public houses.

I spent the afternoon musing on Life. If you come to think of it, what a queer thing Life is! So unlike anything else, don't you know, if you see what I mean.

He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more.

He had the look of one who had drunk the cup of life and found a dead beetle at the bottom.

She looked away. Her attitude seemed to suggest that she had finished with him, and would be obliged if somebody would come and sweep him up.

-'What do ties matter, Jeeves, at a time like this?'There is no time, sir, at which ties do not matter

Cats, as a class, have never completely got over the snootiness caused by the fact that in Ancient Egypt they were worshiped as gods. This makes them too prone to set themselves up as critics and censors of the frail and erring human beings whose lot they share. They stare rebukingly. They view with concern. And on a sensitive man this often has the worst effects, including an inferiority complex of the gravest kind.

She ignored my observation. This generally happens with me. Show me a woman, I sometimes say, and I will show you someone who is going to ignore my observations.

I just sit at my typewriter and curse a bit.

In a series of events, all of which had been a bit thick, this, in his opinion, achieved the maximum of thickness.

It was one of those cases where you approve the broad, general principle of an idea but can't help being in a bit of a twitter at the prospect of putting it into practical effect. I explained this to Jeeves, and he said much the same thing had bothered Hamlet.

It is true of course, that I have a will of iron, but it can be switched off if the circumstances seem to demand it.

I hadn't the heart to touch my breakfast. I told Jeeves to drink it himself.

What's the use of a great city having temptations if fellows don't yield to them?

She looked away. Her attitude seemed to suggest that she had finished with him, and would be obliged if somebody would come and sweep him up.

Hell, it is well known, has no fury like a woman who wants her tea and can't get it.