Quotes from P.G. Wodehouse

Much has been written on the subject of bed-books. The general consensus of opinion is that a gentle, slow-moving story makes the best opiate

the way love can change a fellow is really frightful to contemplate.

For the last day or so there had been a certain amount of coolness in the home over a pair of jazz spats which I had dug up while exploring in the Burlington Arcade.

Writing my books I enjoy. It is the thinking them out that is apt to blot the sunshine from my life.

A tall, drooping man, looking as if he has been stuffed in a hurry by an incompetent taxidermist.

You are sure that I would not be well advised to make certain excisions and eliminations? You do not think it would be a good thing to cut, to prune? I might, for example, delete the rather exhaustive excursus into the family life of the early Assyrians?

I don't know when I've experienced a more massive silence than the one that followed my reading of his cheery epistle. Young Bingo gulped once or twice and practically every known emotion came and went on his face. Jeeves coughed one soft, low, gentle cough like a sheep with a blade of grass stuck in its throat, and then stood gazing serenely at the landscape.

I did not rush in with the vim I would have displayed a year or so earlier, before Life had made me the grim, suspicious man I am to-day:

If girls realized their responsibilities they would be so careful when they smiled that they would probably abandon the practice altogether. There are moments in a man's life when a girl's smile can have as important results as an explosion of dynamite.

I knew a chap who bumped his leg, and it turned black and had to be cut off at the knee.' 'You do seem to mix with the most extraordinary people.

He was really only a sort of detective, a species

there occurred to me the simple epitaph which, when I am no more, I intend to have inscribed on my tombstone. It was this: "He was a man who acted from the best motives. There is one born every minute.

Fond as he was of Pongo, Lord Ickenham could not see him as a breaker of hearts. Yet it appeared plain that his loss had left a large gap in this girl's life.

A man who forgets what day he was married, when he's been married one year, will forget, at about the end of the fourth, that he's married at all.

the first thing a doctor does when you tell him you are going to a house where there's a French cook is to put you on a diet.

London was too big to be angry with. It took no notice of him. It did not care whether he was glad to be there or sorry, and there was no means of making it care. That is the peculiarity of London. There is a sort of cold unfriendliness about it. A city like New York makes the new arrival feel at home in half an hour; but London is a specialist in what Psmith in his letter had called the Distant Stare. You have to buy London's good-will.

I simply said he was a detective, and let it go at that, I should be obtaining the reader's interest under false pretences. He was really only a sort of detective, a species of sleuth. At Stafford's International Investigation Bureau, in the Strand

At that moment the gong sounded, and the genial host came tumbling downstairs like the delivery of a ton of coals.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again--girls are rummy. Old Pop Kipling never said a truer word than when he made that crack about the f. of the s. being more d. than the m.

Mary, in these days, simply couldn't see that he was on the earth. She looked round him, above him, and through him, but never at him;

He looked at me like Lillian Gish coming out of a swoon. Is this Bertie Wooster talking? he said, pained. Yes, it jolly well is! Bertie, old man, said Bingo, patting me gently here and there, reflect! We were at school - Oh, all right!

She's stopped the allowance... I tell you, Bertie, I've examined the darned clouds with a microscope, and if it's got a silver lining it's some little dissembler!

But a thing I've often noticed is that when I've got something off my mind, it pretty nearly always happens that Fate sidles up and shoves on something else

Lord Emsworth could conceive of no way in which Freddie could be of value to a dog-biscuit firm, except possibly as a taster.