Quotes from P.G. Wodehouse

He's like one of those weird birds in India who dissolve themselves into thin air and nip through space in a sort of disembodied way and assemble the parts again just where they want them. I've got a cousin who's what they call a Theosophist, and he says he's often nearly worked the thing himself, but couldn't quite bring it off, probably owing to having fed in his boyhood on the flesh of animals slain in anger and pie.

a chap after the horses.' He had found the right

Oh, Jeeves, I said, did Peabody and Simms send those soft silk shirts? Yes, sir. I sent them back. Sent them back! Yes, sir. I eyed him for a moment. But I mean to say. I mean, what's the use? Oh, all right, I said. Then lay out one of the gents' stiff-bosomed. Very good, sir, said Jeeves.

Bertie, it is imperative that you marry. But, dash it all... Yes! You should be breeding children to... No, really, I say, please! I said, blushing richly. Aunt Agatha belongs to two or three of these women's clubs, and she keeps forgetting she isn't in the smoking-room.

liberally equipped with one-way pockets

If you come to think of it, what a queer thing Life is! So unlike anything else, don't you know, if you see what I mean. At any moment you may be strolling peacefully along, and all the time Life's waiting around the corner to fetch you one.

What ho!" I said. "What ho!" said Motty. "What ho! What ho!" "What ho! What ho! What ho!" After that it seemed rather difficult to go on with the conversation.

His manner had the offensive jauntiness of the man who has had a cold bath when he might just as easily have had a hot one.

Henry lived in a boarding-house in Guildford Street.

she would be in much the same position as one of those monarchs or dictators who wake up one morning to find that the populace has risen against them and is saying it with bombs.

The effect now was much the same as if I had been listening in to a dramatic sketch on the wireless. I got the voices, but I missed the play of expression. And I'd have given a lot to be able to see it. Not Jeeves's, of course, because Jeeves never has any.

But dragons are one thing and aunts are another.

Into the emotional scene which followed I need not go in detail. You will have witnessed much the same sort of thing in the pictures, when the United States Marines arrive in the nick of time to relieve the beleaguered garrison. I may sum it up by saying that he fawned upon me.

Of course I think so. Have you forgotten what I told you the other day?' 'Yes,' said Lord Emsworth. He always forgot what people told him the other day.

The wretched man seemed fully conscious of his position.

She threw in the last suggestion entirely in a sporting spirit. She loved battle, and she had a feeling that this one was going to finish far too quickly. To prolong it, she gave him this opening. There were a dozen ways in which he might answer, each more insulting than the last; and then, when he had finished, she could begin again. These little encounters, she held, sharpened the wits, stimulated the circulation, and kept one out in the open air. - The Romance of an Ugly Policeman

Hear him now as he toils. He has a long garden-implement in his hand, and he is sending up the death-rate in slug circles with a devastating rapidity.             Ta-ra-ra boom-de-ay              Ta-ra-ra BOOM— And the boom is a death-knell. As it rings softly out on the pleasant spring air, another stout slug has made the Great Change.

I worship her, Bertie! I worship the very ground she treads on! continued the patient, in a loud, penetrating voice. Fred thompson and one or two fellows had come in, and McGarry, the chappie behind the bar, was listening with his ears flapping. But there's no reticence about Bingo. He always reminds me of the hero of a musical comedy who takes the centre of the stage, gathers the boys round him in a circle, and tells them all about his love at the top of his voice.

Yes, Jeeves? The man had materialized on the carpet. Absolutely noiseless, as usual. A note for you, sir. A note for me, Jeeves? A note for you, sir. From whom, Jeeves? From Miss Bassett, sir. From whom, Jeeves? From Miss Bassett, sir. From Miss Bassett, Jeeves? From Miss Bassett, sir. At this point, Aunt Dahlia begged us for heaven's sake to cut out the cross-talk vaudeville stuff. Always willing to oblige, I dismissed Jeeves with a nod, and he flickered for a moment and was gone.

it go at that, I should be obtaining the reader's interest under false pretences. He was really only a sort of detective, a species of sleuth. At Stafford's International Investigation Bureau, in the Strand, where he was employed, they did not require

He had that extra four or five inches of neck which disqualifies a man for high honors in the beauty competition

Jeeves' eyes had taken on the look of cautious reserve which you see in those of parrots, when offered half a banana by a stranger of whose bona fides they are not convinced.

Aunt Agatha is like an elephant- not so much to look at, for in appearance she resembles more a well-bred vulture, but because she never forgets.

It is madness to come to country houses without one's bottle of Mickey Finns.