Quotes from P.G. Wodehouse

His was a simple mind, able to amuse itself with simple things.

I felt as if I had stepped on the place where the last stair ought to have been, but wasn't.

I suppose you haven't breakfasted?" "I have not yet breakfasted." "Won't you have an egg or something? Or a sausage or something? Or something?" "No, thank you." She spoke as if she belonged to an anti-sausage society or a league for the suppression of eggs. There was a bit of a silence.

Strangers always look big on the football field.

Yes, sir. The mathematician Archimedes is related to have discovered the principle of displacement quite suddenly one morning, while in his bath.' 'Well, there you are. And I don't suppose he was such a devil of a chap. Compared with you, I mean.' 'A gifted man, I believe, sir. It has been a matter of general regret that he was subsequently killed by a common soldier.' 'Too bad. Still, all flesh is as grass, what?

Man and boy, Jeeves, I have been in some tough spots in my time, but this one wins the mottled oyster.

By the way, one generally shakes hands in the smartest circles. Yours seem to be down there somewhere. Might I trouble you? Right. Got it? Thanks!

She wished that she had been content with one of the seats at the back. But Jane Hubbard had insisted on the front row. She always had a front-row seat at witch dances in Africa, and the thing had become a habit.

I have been studying the principles of socialism deeply of late, and I came to the conclusion that I must join the cause. It looked good to me. You work for the equal distribution of property and start in by swiping all you can and sitting on it. Ah, noble scheme! Me for it!

The Primrose Way. National problems had ceased to interest the citizens. Local problems left them cold. Their minds were riveted to the exclusion of all else on the problem of how to secure seats.

Ukridge was the sort of man who asks you to dinner, borrows money from you to pay the bill, and winds up the evening by embroiling you in a fight with a cabman.

But then everybody says that, though you have a brain like a peahen, you're the soul of kindness and generosity.' Well, I was handicapped here by the fact that, never having met a peahen, I was unable to estimate the quality of these fowls' intelligence, but she had spoken as if they were a bit short of the grey matter, and I was about the ask her who the hell she meant by 'everybody', when she resumed.

I was endeavouring to adjust the faculties, which were in urgent need of a bit of first-aid treatment.

hoping that this was some jolly practical joke and that the real chap would shortly jump out from behind a chair and say "Boo!

The rose that lives its little hour is prized beyond the sculptured flower.

Some slight friction threatening in the Balkans, sir.

Nothing upsets a fowl more than having to wait for dinner.

All things come to him who waits, and among them is that unpleasant sensation of a cold hand upon the portion of the body which lies behind the third waistcoat button.

Mere surprise, however, was never enough to prevent Psmith talking. He began at once.

Brainy badinage of that sort is exchanged every day in the best society. You should hear dukes and earls! The wit! the esprit! The flow of soul!

He was, for a young man, extraordinarily obese. Already a second edition of his chin had been published

Lady Kimbuck gave tongue. She was Lord Evenwood's sister. She spent a very happy widowhood interfering in the affairs of the various branches of her family.

Wait till you see her. Sort of woman who makes you feel that your hands are the color of a frightful tomato and the size of a billiard table, if you know what I mean.

About two hours afterwards Gethryn discovered a suitable retort, but, coming to the conclusion that better late than never does not apply to repartees, refrained from speaking it.